No Way to Say Goodbye Read Online Free PDF

straight upstairs, stripped off and got into the large brass bed that was waiting to envelop him. His head hit the pillow and he was asleep. Even the rain beating against the window couldn’t wake him.
    He didn’t wake in the morning either, even though the sun broke through the clouds and glinted on his window-pane. He slept on as the chirping birds taunted Mr Monkels, barked as he attempted to run up and down the back garden, while they perched on their feeding table, snacking comfortably, savvy enough to know that unless the mutt grew wings he was no threat. Sam would spend his first full day in a foreign country asleep – as a lifelong insomniac, he’d have thought it impossible. During the next day he woke once or twice, but for just long enough to remember where he was and that he was free.
    While he was asleep, Sam didn’t have to think or worry about the commotion he’d left behind. The past four days since his release had been eventful. On day one he had planned his escape hastily from the back of a limo. He had spent day two in the office with Leland, who had been shouting, waving his finger and actually spitting, as he roared about his protégé ’s ingratitude, disloyalty and betrayal. “What the hell are we supposed to do with those goddamn British pretty-boys?” he had screamed, referring to their latest signing, his neck reddening and a vein pulsing in his temple.
    “You do what you do best, Leland, you promote them,” Sam said, as calmly as he could.
    “You’re not leaving!” Leland had threatened.
    “Yes, Leland, I am,” Sam had responded, steadfast despite his mentor’s menacing demeanour.
    “If I’d known you were just going to disappear, I’d have left you to rot!” Leland ground out, once he’d realized that Sam was not to be intimidated.
    “I’m glad you didn’t. By the way, did I thank you for picking up the bill?”
    Leland glowered.
    Sam turned to leave.
    “You’ll never work in the record business again!” Leland said predictably.
    “I hope not.” Sam smiled. “See you around, Leland.” He closed the door behind him and a part of his spirit soared.
    Walking through the office, he felt like Jerry Maguire without the embarrassing fall, the stolen fish or a girl called Dorothy – but his head was held as high and his dream of a different kind of future was just as real. Those around him had said hasty goodbyes, caring no more about him than he did about them. He took the lift to the lobby, saluted the latest doorman and promised he’d never enter the building again.
    The saliva shower aside, his second day out of rehab had been a good one.
    On day three he had visited his mother, despite his reservations and the barring order. She had cried when she saw him, pulling him in from the street quickly so the neighbours wouldn’t see. His dad was out, as Sam had known he would be. She’d brushed the hair from his face and sighed. “You look good for a corpse,” she said, attempting to smile.
    “I’m OK now, Mom,” he said.
    “It’s over?” she said.
    “I promise.” He begged himself silently not to mess up.
    His mother sobbed while she made coffee, and he looked around the kitchen he hadn’t seen since he was last caught shooting up in his brother’s bedroom on Christmas Day last year. That day he had punched his dad, breaking his nose, called his mother a whore and refused to leave until his brother threatened him with the police.
    “I’m sorry, Mom,” he said, biting back the emotion that, as a man, he’d learned to conceal.
    She held on to his hand across the counter. “I’m just glad you’re back,” she said, tears tumbling.
    “I won’t let you down again,” he promised.
    “You said that before.”
    “This time is different. I’ve left work.”
    “You have?” She was comforted by that although she knew his job was only one of his problems. Long ago she had let him down when he’d needed her most.
    “I’m leaving.”
    “Where are you