Nic's Devotion: An Endless Series: Book One Read Online Free PDF Page A

body as I burrowed under my
covers trying to get warm. I never feel completely warm though. Pulling the
pillow over my head I could no longer contain the sobs and they burst forth.
         Hopelessness weighed down on me like a heavy bolder,
wanting to crush me but I try not to let it. I summoned thoughts of the water
and how free and light I feel when I’m swimming. It helps somewhat, easing the
depression inside of me as well as my weeping. Images and thoughts flicker
through my head and then out of nowhere the face of one of the guys from my
five top tonight gets stuck there.
         All those guys had been so nice. Normally a bunch of
guys together would have freaked me out, especially since they had all been so
big, but the sound of their stomachs growling and the grins on their faces had
made my dread sort of dissipate. They had joked with me the entire time and I
had even let my guard down and joked back. I’d smiled more in that hour than in
the last month. 
         The other waitress’s had been really jealous that I’d
gotten them but I’d been up next on rotation. If the guy’s hadn’t been so nice
I probably would have asked someone else to take them off my hands, and the way
all the girls had acted they would not have been difficult to unload. Most
likely there would have been a cat fight to see who got dibs. It’s quite
possible that’s exactly what happened when I left because someone had to take
over their table for me.
          I could understand why the other girls had gone gaga
over them; all five of the males had been good-looking in different ways. Even
though I never really looked at guys in that way I could appreciate an attractive
face and form when I saw it.
         One of them, the most attractive one I thought…when
he’d looked at me…well, it had caused fissions of discomfort at first, but then
I realized the look in his eyes wasn’t overt ogling or leering. It just seemed
like appreciation. That was something I was accustomed to seeing from guys, but
frequently it held an overload of ickiness. His hadn’t contained that.   
         My eyes were getting heavy and the last thing I
remember before falling into darkness was green eyes, curly blonde hair and a
winsome smile.
         Those images didn’t follow me into sleep though.
         I woke abruptly with a cry, gasping for breath, and
looked around in a panic…but everything was quiet…still…and my room was empty.
What I did find was my clock; it read 4:54 a.m. Exhaling heavily I slumped back
onto my back, crossed my arms over my eyes, and brought my breathing under
control. After a few minutes of steady breathing I reached over and shut off my
alarm. It wasn’t set to go off for another forty-six minutes but there was no
way I was going back to sleep.
         Slipping out of bed I shuffled down the hall to the
bathroom. The mirror showed red puffy eyes and major bed head which wasn’t
surprising since I’d gone to sleep with wet hair. I took another quick shower,
braided my hair, and brushed my teeth. Walking back toward my bedroom I heard
the channels changing on the television telling me mom was awake. She’d wake up
at odd times in the night and watch television until she fell asleep again.
         Shivering in my sport bra and panties I stared into my
closet debating on what to wear. I would have to look for another job today so
I needed to look somewhat presentable. I had early classes…and that thought had
me thinking that maybe I could get a job on campus.
         With a hesitant plan in place I decided on a pair of
khaki’s pants, a black button up shirt, and a large black sweater, because it
was cold out. Pulling on some socks I tramped down the short hallway to the
kitchen. The idea of food twisted my stomach slightly but I hadn’t eaten
anything since early afternoon yesterday. Knowing I needed something in my
belly I threw some bread in the toaster and drank some orange juice. I