New Kid Catastrophes: 1 (TJ and the Time Stumblers) Read Online Free PDF

short,” Tall Dude said as he pushed the floating egg through the doorway and into the room.
    Tuna nodded toward Tall Dude. “And we call him Herby, which, unfortunately, is short for—”
    “Herby,” Herby said, flipping his blond bangs out of his eyes.
    TJ blinked her light off and on.
    “What’s she saying?” Herby asked.
    “Do I look like I speak lamp-ese?” Tuna said.
    “Hang on, Your Dude-ness,” Herby said. “Let me get out the translator.”
    Once again he pulled out his Swiss Army Knife and opened another blade. And once again he fumbled it, dropping it to the floor. Only this time, instead of people turning into presidents or famous rock-and-roll bands, TJ heard:
    “Hm, this is interesting; can I eat it? Hm, a nice shiny blade; can I eat it? Hm, a nice red handle; can I eat it? Hm, a nice—”
    Then she saw the cockroach scurrying up and over the knife.
    Great! she thought. Not only is my place infested by space aliens, I’ve got cockroaches, too!
    “Zweegs,” Tuna cringed.
    “Zweegs to the max,” Herby agreed. He raised his foot over the insect as the translator continued to translate:
    “Hm, a nice foot up there; can I eat it? Hm, a nice shoe coming down toward me; can I eat it? Hm, a nice—”

    Zweegs .
    Tuna and Herby both shuddered.
    Blink-blink, blink-blink , TJ blinked.
    “All right.” Herby, the surfer dude, turned to TJ. “I’m not sure why you can see us. I’m guessing my partner here hasn’t totally fixed the cloaking device.”
    “Or,” Tuna argued, “ my partner doesn’t know the first thing about using it.”
    “I’d know how to use it if you knew how to fix it.”
    “Oh yeah?”
    “Yeah!”
    “Yeah?”
    “Yeah!”
    TJ looked on in amazement. It was hard knowing which boy had fewer brain cells. But since you can’t get much lower than one, she figured it was a tie. To get their attention, she started

    again.
    Tuna was the first to spot her. Straightening his suit, he cleared his throat and started over. “First of all, despite our appearance, we are not spacemen.”
    “Or bodybuilders,” Herby said, sucking in his stomach and sticking out his chest, “which some folks mistake us for.”
    Tuna gave him a look, then continued. “Actually, we are time travelers.”
    “From the 23rd century,” Herby added.
    “And we have traveled back through time to observe you for our history project.”
    Blink-blink? TJ blinked.
    “That’s right.” Herby nodded. “ You . And not just ’cause we think you’re, like, a major babe. OWW!”
    (The “OWW!” came after Tuna stomped on his foot.)
    As Herby was busy hopping up and down on one foot, Tuna calmly continued. “We have returned to your time because when you grow up, you will become a great world leader. In fact, one day you will—”
    “TJ?” Dad suddenly called from downstairs. “You’ve got company.”
    TJ blink-blink ed in concern.
    “What do we do?” Herby cried.
    “How should I know?”
    “Hey, dude, you got us into this quod-quod!”
    “Why must you always blame me?”
    “Because you’re always wrong.”
    “Am not.”
    “Are too.”
    “Am—”
    “TJ?” Dad called from the bottom of the stairs.
    TJ blink-blink, blink-blink ed faster.
    Tuna frowned. “Permit me a moment to think.”
    “TJ?!”
    But Herby had no time for moments (or thinking). He took a deep breath and gave the world’s second-worst imitation of TJ. (The first was back on page 43). “Send him on up, Poppsy.”
    “Send him on up?” Tuna cried. “Are you toyped?!”
    “It’s better than us going down there,” Herby said.
    “It is not.”
    “Is too.”
    “Is not.”
    By now TJ was blinking faster than a strobe light after too much sugar and way too many cups of coffee.
    Then they all heard the dreaded

    The boys froze. So did TJ—though she didn’t have much choice, being a floor lamp.

    “Who is it?” Herby asked in his high, TJ voice.
    “It’s Chad, from next door. Are you all right?”
    “Oh no,” Tuna