Never Say Never Read Online Free PDF Page A

Then you clammed up on me. What did I do?”
    “You didn’t do anything. Really, Sara. It’s me.” Whether she knew it or not, she’d found my weak spot. I was instantly vulnerable.
    “Then tell me what’s been up with you. My god, you’ve been so distant.”
    “Look.” I tried to get the words out, but couldn’t. “I can’t —” I just shook my head and stared at her, watching the emotions flicker across her face. Sadness, frustration, even a hint of anger.
    She sat back, silently watching me, evaluating me. I stared back, helpless, wanting nothing more than to rescue her.
    “I’ve been lying to you.” There. I’d spit it out. The first few words. There was no backing out now. Air rushed in my ears as my heart pounded wildly.
    She watched me quietly, waiting for me to continue. I needed prompting. She seemed to be searching her memory, but was unable to come up with anything.
    “What could you possibly have been lying about?” Deep breath. Heart pounding. Say it. Say it. Say it.
    “I’m gay.” The two words came out in a whoosh, just barely audible. I cringed and braced for her reaction, reprimanding myself for choosing the word gay instead of lesbian .
    A smile jumped to her lips. A worried one found mine. My relief was fleeting. She laughed loudly and leaned forward.
    “Excuse me? I thought you said you were gay.” I could feel the blood draining from my face as nervous shivers threatened me.
    “I did,” I mumbled.
    The smile froze on her lips. Her tongue darted out and in.
    She kept her eyes fixed on mine.
    “You’re gay?”
    I remained focused on her smile, noting how one corner twitched ever so slightly. She was trying desperately to mask her feelings.
    “Yes.”
    The silence that followed was deafening. We sat there for an eternity, simply staring at each other. I was cringing but completely focused on her face and the empty, carefully-fixed smile that remained plastered on her lips. She had been completely unprepared for my confession, caught so off guard that she had no idea how to respond. It was equally apparent to me that she did not like what she had heard but was trying desperately not to show it.
    I wished that I could take back my words. I needed to soften the blow. Perhaps humor was best.
    “Should I tell you that I’m just kidding?’
    Her short laugh was not amused. “Not if it would only be another lie.”
    Ouch. That was that. I could feel familiar hurt beginning somewhere in my belly. I looked away from her, unable to meet those steely eyes any longer.
    She picked up her drink and calmly placed the straw to her lips, sucking long and slowly until the glass was empty. I had never seen a margarita disappear so quickly. She motioned to the waiter and tapped her glass. He complied quickly, taking away the empty glass and replacing it with a fresh one.
    I shivered slightly and took a deep breath, letting the cold knot settle in my stomach. This scene was far too familiar to me and, without thinking, my coping mechanisms fell into place.
    “So, I guess this explains why you didn’t want to double date with me and James,” she stated with a raised brow, the smile never leaving her face. I’m sure if the joke was sincere or if I detected sarcasm in her tone. It didn’t matter. I was now firmly prepared for the worst, and the last thing I would do was let her know that what she thought mattered to me in the least.
    “That would be the reason. Yes,” I nodded. “I am sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner. I wanted to.” I shrugged, wanting to explain but not being able to. “It’s difficult since we work together.”
    “And you thought I’d tell everyone.”
    “Something like that.”
    She shook her head quietly. It was her turn to put the walls up.
    I could no longer guess her thoughts.
    “I won’t do that.”
    “Thank you.” We both sounded so cold, going through the motions. Thankfully, the controlled smile had left her lips. Now her expression was carefully