Never Cross a Vampire Read Online Free PDF Page A

thought I recognized the name.
    â€œShelly,” I yelled through the door when there was a lull in Mrs. Lee’s agony, “is this message from Martin Leib?”
    â€œRight,” he shouted back.
    Leib was a starched-collar, no-nonsense, old-timer lawyer with consulting contracts at the major studios. I’d worked with him once and knew if he was calling me it wasn’t sentimental or to have a drink and tell tall stories. I found his number in the directory and called. He answered on the second ring.
    â€œPeters,” he said softly. “Your call came just as I was going to call someone else to handle this. I have a job for you, similar to the last one. Client accused of murder. Warners would like to keep things quiet until everything is clear. On my end, I can contain publicity for a few days at most. I need an investigation quickly and some solid information about what the police have and are doing. Can you handle it?”
    If I told Leib I had a job and a client, he would say “Fine” and hang up. Besides, why couldn’t a detective have two clients at a time? True, it had never happened to me before, but it came at a point when I could use all the help from capitalistic sources I could muster. Bela Lugosi’s crank was intriguing, but a murder case for Warner Brothers was possibly big money.
    â€œFifty a day and expenses,” I said. “Two days in advance.”
    â€œThirty-five,” said Leib. “This is for Jack Warner, not Louis Mayer. I’ll have the money waiting for you at the Wilshire station where our client is being held. I think it best if you get to him immediately. I’ve already begun from my end.”
    â€œAnd?” I said, half thinking about the Florentine Gardens.
    â€œAnd it doesn’t look promising,” he said. That was all we had to go with, so I finished the business at hand.
    â€œClient’s name?”
    â€œFaulkner, William Faulkner.”
    â€œThe writer?”
    â€œThe alleged murderer,” said Leib and hung up.
    Business was booming. A full year like this and I’d be challenging Pinkerton. I picked up my coat and went back into Shelly’s office. He was demonstrating to Mrs. Lee how to rinse her mouth. She had lost all semblance of control and dumbly mocked Shelly’s actions. Her “arrgghh” was down to a slow, low gurgle.
    â€œI’m going on another case,” I said to Shelly’s back. He waved his cigar to let me know he had heard.
    â€œAlmost forgot,” I added, heading for the door. “Guy named Billings might be getting in touch with you. He has an overbite problem from fangs.”
    That got Shelly, who turned around and squinted in my general direction through the bulletproof lenses of his glasses.
    â€œHe’s a vampire,” I explained.
    Mrs. Lee seemed to hear the word vampire through her confused stupor and looked vaguely in my direction.
    â€œVampires are a dental impossibility,” Shelly announced firmly. “At least vampires with fangs. There’s no way the human jaw could support fangs.” He put his finger into Mrs. Lee’s mouth to demonstrate as he spoke. “Throw the whole mouth off. The guy’d look like Andy Gump or Mortimer Snerd, and his jaw … he wouldn’t get a decent night’s sleep or be able to eat.”
    â€œBut vampires don’t eat and they sleep like the dead during the day,” I said.
    Mrs. Lee nodded in agreement, and Shelly frowned at her.
    â€œMrs. Van Helsing here,” he said derisively, pointing his thumb at the woman.
    â€œNot a real vampire,” I explained, opening the door. “Just a guy who wears fake fangs and likes dressing up. A little higher class than some of your patients.”
    â€œIf he calls, I’ll look at him,” Shelly said professionally, turning to Mrs. Lee. His glasses slipped down on his nose and his free thumb came up just in time to keep them from