Nevada Read Online Free PDF

her. Getting his sweat and come and lube all over Maria’s blankets.
    Ew.
    Steph sleeps pretty deeply, so Maria walks down the hall, all three feet of it because this is a New York City apartment, and cracks the door. She’s asleep by herself. Maria goes back to the kitchen, finishes her little bottle of whiskey, accidentally leaves the kitchen light on and the refrigerator door open, and passes out on the couch.
    At four or so she wakes up all headachey and sets her phone alarm—Steph had called, kind of a lot of times—turns off the light, closes the fridge and goes back to sleep on the couch in the kitchen. So bohemian.

8.
    Maria misses Steph in the morning. Steph has a grownup job so she’s up and gone before Maria wakes up, which is funny because usually sunlight, a car horn, her own breathing, anything will wake Maria up. Good work last night, whiskey, too bad you can’t make sleep as restful as you make it deep.
    Turns out Piranha texted Maria last night, too. Fuck. Mostly her texts are just a bunch of cussing, because Piranha knows that Maria likes cuss words. She’s a good friend. But last night she was like, Dude, where are you? Maria texts back: Sorry dude. Hang out soon?
    She’s exhausted and feels half-dead, but that’s really not new. Her alarm leaves her exactly enough time to shave, puts on makeup and get out the door. She rushes: there’s a schedule for sleeping as late as you can, if you’re economical enough with your time in the morning. She slept in her clothes, which saves her almost four minutes of getting dressed.
    She got very cold one night at Camp Trans, the year that she went, and put on all of her clothes: a dress, a long skirt, jeans, a hoodie, that denim jacket. It ended up being kind of a great outfit. Plus jeans and multiple skirts means no stress about, like, anatomy. It basically became her uniform. Like, she’ll change her underwear. It’s hard to admit but she has exactly one bra that she likes, and a bunch that she hates, so she wears the same bra every day but theoretically you could change your bra too. You just rotate out a dress or put on the other hoodie and voilà, new outfit. Same clothes every day! It’s a non-appropriative mantra. She’s even gotten good at riding a bike in a long skirt.
    Because shaving and putting on a bunch of foundation every day are emotionally exhausting reminders of being trans, she gets a step removed from them by monologuing like she’s explaining them to someone. Secret trick one is to boil water in a kettle on the stove while you get dressed and brush your teeth, then stop up the sink and make yourself a little boiling lake. If the water is so hot that it truly hurts your fingers when you splash it on your face and you kind of worry that you’re doing permanent damage to your skin, you are doing it right. Super hot water makes the shave closer, who knows why. Maybe like how you have to warm up a tortilla before you can make anything out of it? Anyway then you smear shaving cream all over your face. Use the cheapest stuff you can find: sometimes Barbasol has a kind that says Real Man on the side, that’s the best one. Shave your face with one of those triple-blade razors. They’re expensive, but you can re-use them for like a couple weeks. You’ll know it’s time to replace the blade when your face is a gory mess every day after you shave and you keep thinking, you want blood moon magic but you only bleed a couple days a month? I bleed every day.
    From my face.
    Anything more than three blades is for rich people.
    Secret tip number two is to get some of that face lotion stuff that smells like an old lady. After you’ve shaved and washed off your face, glob it on everywhere and give your face time to suck it in. It makes your skin softer, which helps gross middle-aged businessmen slumming in your store know that you are the one to hit on.
    For makeup: Okay. If you still need to shave, you are still going to have a little bit of,