Natural Order Read Online Free PDF

you think things are going steadily along, there’s always another force working in the opposite direction, like an undercurrent. Something unknown and unpredictable and completely out of your control.
    I’ve been thinking about asking Freddy to be my date for Helen’s wedding. It’s true that I’ll have to contend with Dickie’s cousin for a while, but it’s not like we’re glued to one another. After the ceremony, I’ll shake him off. Then Freddy and I can enjoy each other’s company for the rest of the afternoon. I haven’t breathed a word of this to anyone. I have a feeling that Helen wouldn’t approve, but I don’t care. In some ways, I’d love to see the expression on her face. My little piece of revenge.
    Still, the thought of asking Freddy makes me nervous. What if he says no? And on the other hand, what if he says yes? I think about him showing up in that white suit from the parade and my stomach feels queasy. Surely he must have another one. Preferably black. I’ll try to bring it up in an inconspicuous way.
    In any case, what I keep asking my bedroom mirror is this: “Joyce Conrad. What’s more terrifying? The thought of asking him or the thought of not asking him?”
    This always puts things in perspective.
    Freddy is on the phone again when I get to work, but something’s different. His back is turned to me and his usually boisterous voice is low. I try to listen in as I make my way past.
    “Well, of course it’s not true, Mother. I don’t know why she’d say something like that.”
    I go back to the Gussy-Up Room and scrutinize my face. Maybe Freddy is right. I should colour my hair. I’ll do it just before the wedding. I bite down on my lip, imagining Helen’s reaction. She’d have an absolute fit. Freddy’s voice gets louder.
    “She’s delusional. And jealous. Plain and simple!”
    I take a step back to get within better earshot.
    An older man came to pick up Freddy from work last week. Someone I’d never seen before. He stood in the far corner, looking nervous and pushing his glasses up his nose. Freddy came out of the Gussy-Up Room doused in cologne. He introduced the man to me as “a family friend” and winked. The man coughed. I felt sick inside as I watched the car pull out of the parking lot, trying to keep my dark thoughts at bay.
    “You were the one who arranged this in the first place. Don’t sit there and try to wash your hands clean. It’s always about what you want, isn’t it? Never about what I want! You’re selfish and cruel and I won’t be your puppet anymore. Do you understand?”
    The phone slams down, followed by a cloud of silence. I hold my breath, not wanting to go out there. I’ve never heard Freddy yell like that before. I don’t think today will be the day I ask him to Helen’s wedding. I stare into the mirror, still trying to imagine myself as a blonde, but I can’t. I’m trapped inside myself. I put my hat on top of my boring chestnut curls, count to ten, spread a nonchalant smile across my face and walk out. Freddy is still standing next to the telephone, one hand pressed down on the freezer lid, as though he’s trying to prevent something from getting out.
    “Hi, Freddy,” I say as I squeeze past. “Has it been busy today?”
    He looks up at me. “What? Oh … No, not busy.”
    After I turn down the temperature of the hot fudge, I top up the sundae canisters, keeping one eye on Freddy as he wipes down a table. I’m ten minutes into a shift and he has yet to say my name like it’s a surprise or mention Hollywood or offer any tips to help my complexion. A couple of customers come into the shop, and when I hand over their strawberry sundae and chocolate-dipped cone, Freddy is still wiping the same table. Eventually, he steps back behind the counter and both of us manage our way through a small swarm of customers. When the last of them leaves, Freddy leans up against the counter and sighs so dramatically, my bangs ruffle.
    “I hate this