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kilometre or so down the road when I decide I have formulated my initial plan enough to bring Jen in on it.
    “What are the chances you can invite your grad uate recruit friend and their other friend who knows Jax, out for drinks one night this week?”
    Jen swings towards me and gasps, “What! Why?”
    “Well I was thinking that perhaps I could tip them with a few drinks and find out a bit more about Jax.”
    Jen looks at me like I have grown two heads. 
    Placing a finger on her lips thoughtfully she says, “Well, let me consider that for a second.  Hmm.  No.  No with a big fat capital N and a big fat capital O.  What the hell are you thinking woman?  Is it not less than five minutes since we had a conversation that mentioned I was engaged?  Can you imagine the gossipmongers at work and the field day they would have if I suddenly, out of the blue, asked our graduate recruit to drinks?  It would be even worse if I also asked said graduate recruit to bring along his friend because my single, attractive friend is coming with me?”
    Swinging her eyes back to the road, Jen asks, “Have you lost it woman?  Even worse than the gossipmongers having their own field day would be management of the expectations of the grad uate recruit.  No doubt said graduate recruit would be very excited to get a drinks offer from a person who he now thinks is a Cougar.  On top of this, the Cougar is bringing her single, Cougar friend. I bet he’d think he was onto a sure thing and turn up with great expectations and a stiffy.  He’d probably even bring a pocket full of weed to smoke as well.”
    Taking a pause to allow her words to sink in, she asks, “Are you getting my ‘no’ message loud and clear?  Develop some other plan, but leave me and my work associates out of it.  Here’s a thought.  Why don’t you go about this your usual way and ask Jax about himself direct?  It's not like I haven’t had to kick your ass about slipping into old habits before when you’ve had a problem being direct with people.  Don’t expect me to stop now, just because you like a random, good-looking guy you just met.”
    She has a point. 
    What is making me want to act so differently in front of this guy?  I am usually known as a babbler who says the most direct and inappropriate things to strangers all the time. Usually taking the direct approach doesn’t bother me at all.  This is because I have developed a personal motto that every day should be lived to its fullest.  This motto also dictates that I should only spend it with people who I trust and people who accept me for exactly who I am.
    If people don’t like me, they can just take me or leave me and then move on if they choose to leave me.  
    A lot of this attitude was developed in my early twenties.  It was at this age that I realised that I had spent the first twenty years of my life working very hard to try to please everyone.  Everyone included parents, teachers, friends and even strangers.  I tried so hard that I was being used by all as a doormat or an extra.  A person who could be relied on for lending my money or my time to achieve everyone else’s goals. 
    If I were invited to a party, it was so I could cook the food or be the nominated driver.  If I were invited on a road trip, it was so I could ‘help’ put in for the fuel, or even more usually, pay for all of it.
    It had taken me a full twenty years to realize why this was happening to me and one day I just woke up and decided I’d had enough. 
    How could I have been so stupid? 
    Especially for someone who had been blessed at birth with a set of brains that allowed me to remember just about everything I read or saw.  A brain that could process thoughts, responses and calculations a lot faster than the average Joe could. 
    I was a fast and avid learner and I had flown through school with a series of straight A’s for every class I attended.  To achieve this, I had learned to study and complete