Nanny Piggins and the Wicked Plan Read Online Free PDF Page B

be in a women’s prison.’
    ‘Oh,’ said the Governor again.
    Everyone in the room – all forty prisoners, Derrick, Samantha and Michael – all looked at the Governor expectantly.
    ‘I suppose you don’t necessarily have to go to jail,’ began the Governor.
    ‘I don’t?’ asked Nanny Piggins innocently.
    ‘Breaking into a prison isn’t nearly as bad as breaking out of one,’ continued the Governor (he could be quite reasonable when his blood sugar was high).
    ‘The only thing is,’ said Nanny Piggins, ‘I suppose I’ll have to fill in the hole.’
    ‘There’s no rush to do that,’ said the Governor.
    ‘There isn’t?’ asked Nanny Piggins.
    ‘You might as well leave the hole there. As long as all the prisoners promise not to use it to escape.’
    ‘We promise,’ said the prisoners. (They did not want their sticky-bun route filled in either.)
    ‘Then I don’t see what harm one little tunnel causes,’ said the Governor.
    ‘Excellent!’ exclaimed Nanny Piggins. ‘Then you can all pop in for mudcake next Thursday.’
    And so Nanny Piggins was very satisfied with her time as a pirate. She had visited China and made forty-one new friends. But best of all, she had a great big hole in the garden ready to push Mr Green in next time he annoyed her.

Nanny Piggins and the children were on their hands and knees recarpeting the living room. I know this sounds like a very industrious thing to do. But I should explain that the only reason they were recarpeting the room was because they had tested to see if sulfuric acid really would burn a hole through the floor, like they had seen in a movie. And their experiment had been one hundred per cent successful.
    Having completed the experiment, however, it then occurred to them that Mr Green might not be too impressed with the results. He seemed to be inordinately fond of his bland brown floor covering. He always lost his temper if anyone made a mud slippery slide over it or trod custard pie into the fibres. So having tried and failed to hide the hole with a vase of flowers (the three-hundred-year-old antique vase simply dropped through the hole and smashed in the basement), Nanny Piggins decided on recarpeting.
    Fortunately, they found a piece of carpet that fit perfectly, in Miss Smith’s living room. She was an elderly spinster who lived across the road. They borrowed Miss Smith’s carpet (without asking). I know this sounds an awful lot like stealing but really it was just borrowing. Nanny Piggins was perfectly prepared to return the carpet if it ever occurred to Miss Smith to ask her whether the carpet stapled to their floor was her own.
    As luck would have it, this never became an issue. When Miss Smith returned from bingo at the church hall and discovered that her living room was now carpetless, she was delighted. She thought some good Samaritan had polished her floorboards. And because Miss Smith loved ballroom dancing,floorboards were much better as far as she was concerned.
    So Nanny Piggins, Derrick, Samantha and Michael were just stapling down the last corner of Miss Smith’s bright purple rug, using Mr Green’s desk stapler, when they heard a pounding at the front door.
    ‘Who could that be?’ asked Nanny Piggins.
    ‘It can’t be the truancy officer,’ said Michael. He knew this for a fact because he had seen Nanny Piggins tie Miss Britches to the filing cabinet in her office earlier that morning, using nothing but the wool unravelled from her own cardigan. (The cardigan had it coming. It was a hideous pink with bunny buttons down the front.)
    ‘No, she could never have undone all those knots this quickly,’ agreed Nanny Piggins.
    ‘Perhaps it’s a door-to-door salesman,’ suggested Samantha.
    ‘No, they don’t come anymore,’ said Nanny Piggins sadly. ‘You bite one salesman and they all hold it against you.’
    ‘He brought it on himself,’ comforted Derrick. ‘He promised to make your whites whiter. He deserved to suffer the