My Zombie Hamster Read Online Free PDF Page B

about time he was replaced, though. He was about a hundred years old or something. The zombies were in better shape than Old Man Ebenezer.
    “Now I just want you to know that I don’t think I’m better than any of you because I can obliterate a zombie’s head at thirty feet while simultaneously wielding a bowie knife with my teeth. And make no mistake, I can do that. I lived with a wolf pack in Siberia. I became a member of their pack. They taught me their wolfy ways.” He gave us a long stare. “The reason I’m better than you is a combination of genetics, intelligence, and charisma.” He cracked a smile. “Plus I’m easy on the eyes. Am I lying, ladies?”
    An old man standing next to me leaned down to whisper in my ear. “He’s not lying, sonny. That’s as fine a specimen of a man as you’re ever likely to see.”
    “This town has become lazy,” continued Dallas. “Soft. Your security is a joke. You need to toughen up, and I’m the man who’s going to make sure that happens.” He swept us all with a fierce look. “And I know there’s one person here who agrees with me. Thomas Hunter? Where are you?”
    Thomas Hunter?
Dad?
What did Kilgore Dallas want with Dad?
    Judging by the sudden sickly color of his face, Dad didn’t know, either.
    “What have you done now, Tom?” whispered Mom.
    Dad shrugged helplessly and slowly raised his hand. Dallas zeroed in on him immediately.
    “There he is. My man in Edenvale. Give that man a round of applause. Come on.
Do it
!” Dallas waited until the hesitant applause had died away. “Never in the twenty years the Zombie Zappers have been in use have I heard a better voice track. Honest! Truthful! None of this poetry garbage! None of this whining about dead relatives. Just pure, honest, gutsy tell-it-like-it-is. You, sir, are the man.”
    I tried to shrink down into my shoulders. Dallas had obviously heard about the Zee-Zee recordings and thought Dad did them.
    “Okay, listen up. There are some changes I’m going to make over the next few months, but the first thing I want to do is make sure you guys are prepared in the event of a zombie invasion. To that end, it’s now compulsory for all citizens, male and female, over the age of ten to participate in zombie preparation drills. What that means is, I’ll lead you outside the wall, and we’ll hunt us some zombies.” He raised his hands in the air. “And before all you parents start freaking out about your kids, just don’t. Okay? Just don’t. I’ll be there, and I’ll protect them with my life. No stinkin’ deadbeat is going to take one of Edenvale’s kids. Not on my watch!”
    A burst of spontaneous applause broke out.
    “Now, any questions?”
    Dad raised his hand. So did quite a few others. Dallas pointed at Dad.
    “Hunter. Shoot.”
    “Uh, I was wondering … what was in the briefcase? You know, from
Pulp
—”
    “I can’t say.”
    “Oh.” My dad paused. “Do you still have your lightsaber?”
    Kilgore Dallas’s smile became a bit forced. He looked at all the raised hands.
    “Any questions
not
relating to movies I’ve been in?”
    All the hands went down.
    “Then we’re finished here. Have a good day, citizens.”

MONDAY, JANUARY 6
    1:00 p.m . Charlie had come up with a plan regarding Anti-Snuffles.
    “We need to speak to Old Man Ebenezer,” she said. “See if he has any tips for us. You know. Like how to trap zombies and stuff.”
    Remember when I said before that Old Man Ebenezer wasn’t a
Scooby-Doo
villain? Well, that was true, but he does look like one.
    When we knocked on his door, he yanked it open immediately, as if he had been waiting there. His white hair stuck up from his head, looking like he’d just had an electric shock. He scanned the street behind us, then stared at us suspiciously.
    “Breathe onto this,” he ordered, thrusting a small mirror at us.
    Charlie looked at me. I shrugged and breathed on the mirror. Charlie did the same, and only after checking that