My Teenage Dream Ended Read Online Free PDF

me. The partying was getting to the point of distraction. I was out late at night so much, I started sleeping during the day. I felt like an owl.
    Then, one night, I went a little too far. The flirting turned into making out, which almost turned into something else. This gossip “headline” did make it all the way to Derek, which I loved, but I also scared myself a little.
    It was at a bonfire party. During the summer, lots of our friends would have bonfire parties out in the country. They were the hype of our summers—the smoky, woodsy smell, the crush of people all thronged intimately around the fire, being out in the open air and the feeling of freedom it gave you. They were always fun, and this one was especially fun—though, in the end, maybe too much fun.
    I went with some girlfriends. We drove twenty minutes down a gravel road, the music up, singing like we were pop stars, texting fifty people at one time, hoping we didn’t hit a deer.
    We got there and parked the car in the huge line up of other cars, popped the caps of our UV blues and pinks, and downed them until we were tipsy. We ran through the high grass, smelled the smoke of the bonfire, saw the fiery light from the flames and the shadows of people leaning against the trees.
    Now that we were there, it was as if the party had finally gotten started. We took over—flirting with the foreign exchange boys there for the summer, watching the guys compete over who could hop over the flames and not get burned, smoking weed in beer-can bongs, peeing in the grass and hang-drying, making out with whomever in the woods or in cars.
    I drank way too much, so much that I had blurred double vision. I found myself in a truck, making out with some boy and calling him Derek. He was going below the belt and I started yelling, “Let’s have sex!”
    A friend came over and grabbed me out of the truck. “You idiot! That’s not Derek!” she yelled. “Come on, we’re leaving!”
    I was so drunk I couldn’t walk, so she had some boys carry me up the hill through the tall grass. I don’t even remember getting home that night.

I ROLL THE DICE

    The next day my friend called and said, “So the boy you were making out with last night really likes you.”
    I laughed. “Oh my God! I can’t believe I thought he was Derek. I honestly don’t even remember what the guy looks like.”
    Then she asked, “Well, do you want to meet him? He wants to hang out with you.”
    I had nothing to lose. Derek wasn’t calling me. So I thought, Why not? After all, Derek was acting like he wasn’t interested and this guy definitely was into me. Plus, it was a chance to make Derek jealous.
    So I met up with Bonfire Guy. He was nice enough, and I could tell he was very into me, but the whole time I was with him I couldn’t stop thinking about how he wasn’t Derek. I just wanted Derek. So I decided to take a huge gamble to win him back.
    I hadn’t talked to Derek in over a week, but I took a deep breath and called to ask him to come over so we could talk. I was actually a little embarrassed and ashamed of what I was going to do. I was planning to tell him about this other guy to make him jealous. I rationalized that it would show him how much I liked him, but also that I didn’t care about him when I went out and had fun. Looking back, I can see how ridiculous my plan was, but at the time I was stuck. I wanted Derek back and I didn’t know what else to do.
    In the end, it went down like this: It was a perfect summer afternoon and I was waiting outside on my front porch. Derek drove up and parked right outside our gate. I was nervous but so happy to see him. As Derek opened the gate, I said, “Hi.”
    He looked me over, playing it very cool. “Hey. So…you wanted to tell me something?”
    At this point in our relationship (or non-relationship) I could tell he wore the pants high and proud, and I was tired of him acting like it. I wanted to shake him up a little. I took a deep breath and