My Soul to Lose Read Online Free PDF

me
    look unstable, which would give them a reason to keep
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    me there. And give Aunt Val a reason to drop off my
    clothes and run.
    “Um…I was actually just about to head your way.
    Have you seen the doctor yet? Do you think I’ll be
    able to talk to him?”
    “Yeah, sure. I mean, that’s what he’s here for,
    right?”
    According to Nurse Nancy, the doctor didn’t do his
    rounds on weekends, but if I told Aunt Val that, she
    might wait for official visiting hours. Doctor or not, I
    was sure she would take me home once she saw me.
    Once she’d had a look at this place, and at me in it. We
    might not share the same blood, but she’d raised me.
    Surely she couldn’t walk away twice, right?
    From somewhere near the common area, a
    booming male voice announced that the anger
    management group was about to start, then specifically
    suggested that someone named Brent should attend.
    I leaned my forehead against the cold cinder blocks
    and tried to block it all out, but every time I opened
    my eyes—every time I even took a cold, sterilescented breath—I remembered exactly where I was.
    And that I couldn’t leave.
    “Okay. I’m bringing some things for you,” my aunt
    said softly into my ear.
    What? I wanted to cry. “No. Aunt Val, I don’t need
    things. I need out.”
    She sighed, sounding almost as frustrated as I was.
    “I know, but that’s up to your doctor, and if he gets
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    delayed…or something, wouldn’t you feel better with
    a fresh change of clothes?”
    “I guess.” But the truth was that I wasn’t going to
    feel any better until Lakeside was a distant, unpleasant
    memory, instead of my current waking nightmare.
    “They won’t let you have anything but clothes and
    books. Do you want something to read?”
    All I wanted to read was the exit sign on the other
    side of the locked door by the nurse’s station. The one
    you had to be buzzed through.
    “Um…I have a paper due next week. Could you
    grab Brave New World from my nightstand?” See? I’m
    not crazy. I’m responsible and focused on schoolwork.
    Don’t you want to take me home so I can live up to my
    true potential?
    Aunt Val was silent for a moment, and that
    uncomfortable feeling in the bottom of my stomach
    swelled. “Kaylee, I don’t think you should worry about
    homework right now. We can tell the school you have
    the flu.”
    Footsteps shuffled past me, headed toward the
    group session. I stuck a finger in my ear, trying to
    block it all out. “The flu? Doesn’t it take, like, a week
    to get over the flu?” I wouldn’t miss that much school.
    I wouldn’t miss any, if she’d take me home today!
    My aunt sighed, and my gut twisted around the
    lump of dread anchoring me to the chair. “I’m just
    trying to buy you some time to rest. And it’s not really
    a lie. You can’t tell me you’re feeling one hundred
    percent right now…”
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    “Because they shot me full of enough crap to put an
    elephant to sleep!” And I had the cotton mouth to
    prove it.
    “And for all we know, you might actually be
    coming down with a bit of the flu. I heard you sneeze
    the other day,” she finished, and I rolled my eyes.
    “They don’t lock up people with the flu, Aunt Val.”
    Not unless it’s the bird flu or Stephen King’s end-ofthe-world flu.
    “I know. Listen, I’ll be there in a bit, and we can
    talk about this then.”
    “What about Uncle Brendon?”
    Another pause. Sometimes there was less meaning
    in what Aunt Val said than in what she didn’t say. “He
    took Sophie out to lunch to explain all this to her. This
    has been really hard on them both, Kaylee.”
    Like it’s easy on me?
    “But we’re both coming to see you tonight.”
    Except I would be out by then, even if I had to get
    down on my knees and beg her to take me home. If I
    had to wake up here again, I’d lose my mind.
    Assuming I hadn’t already.
    “Promise?” I hadn’t asked her to promise