My Reality Read Online Free PDF Page B

I didn’t have it in me to deal with mean girls just then. Plus, my heart wasn’t really in it. I had been ready to move on and to settle down with Tye,and that’s what I still wanted, not the life of a single Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader, no matter how many perks it gave me. Although the pay was minimal, the other advantages were considerable. I was given etiquette classes, which taught me how to conduct myself in so many different circumstances. They also coached me on how to give an interview. Being a member of the Cowboys Cheerleaders meant that we were often asked to give interviews about the organization and the team. And they obviously wanted to make sure that we sounded intelligent and knowledgeable. Of course, I didn’t know at the time just how useful this particular skill would later come to be. Plus, football is everything in Texas, and the Cowboys are the ultimate. For two years straight, I had the best seat at Texas Stadium, and I got to wear a uniform that many girls wanted very much to wear. We were minor celebrities in the city, and we could get into any club.
    But I didn’t really care about any of that anymore after Tye and I broke up. I think I was expecting the cheerleaders to patch a hole in my life, which I soon realized couldn’t be filled by anything. I lasted about one week before I dropped out a second and final time.
    And then began, what is still to this day, one of the lowest times of my life. I remember having this feeling that I had lost absolutely everything that was important to me. I had just lost the guy who I loved. I had just lost the Cowboys, which was an organization that had basically kept me sane and had been such a positive outlet for me for the past two years. And all that I had left was a job that didn’t fulfill me.
    Soon, I would be twenty-five. And I had nothing checked off my list; the “List” that every girl makes when she’s about thirteen years old; the list that should, theoretically, be checked off by the deadlineyou assume. (Note to readers: I found out that twenty-five is wayyyy too young to cap off the list!) Here was mine at the time:
     
    Great Job: No.
    Great Guy: No.
    Great House: Nope.
    Anything fun to look forward to: Absolutely not.
    Pity party for one: Yes, please.
     
    What I wanted more than anything for my birthday was just to hear from Tye. Even just a one-word text would be a sign that he was thinking of me. I hadn’t heard a peep from him since our big fight, which was agonizing. As two weeks of radio silence passed, I knew with even greater certainty that things were not looking good for us to get back together.
    But I still couldn’t let go. I felt like I was in limbo. And I couldn’t stop reaching out to him. I would find myself at work, watching the seconds drag by, and before I could stop myself, I’d have my phone in my hand. I’d try to control myself, but I never could. The next thing I knew, I’d find myself texting him:
    “Hi. Miss you.”
    “Hey. Can you call me?”
    And this wasn’t just every once in a while, either. Every day I would text him any little thing I could think of, just hoping to get an answer. Boy, I really should have read a book on what not to do when going through a breakup. But no matter how many texts I sent, I still got no response.
    I couldn’t give up. I had this idea in my mind that Tye was just as miserable as I was, but that he was just being stubborn. He didn’t want to be the one to call me because it would make him seem weak.And so I felt like I had to call him—not just for me but for both of us. When I did call, it always went straight to voicemail. Even with the many times I called and texted him in those weeks, I never heard anything back from him.
    I had found out that the day after we’d broken up, which was a Saturday, he’d gone to Southlake. This is his hometown, and his parents and brother still live there. So, of course, being Queen of Denial, I reasoned that he went home because the