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who can sit at a desk for eight to nine hours a day, staring at a computer screen. I need to be up, doing things and talking to people. I constantly need new challenges to keep me interested, so I wasn’t happy being so confined, and that job was not a good fit for me. As miserable as I was, I started looking for something— anything —that could make me feel better, or at least distract me from how badly I felt. Keep in mind, I still hadn’t heard anything from Tye.
    I was experiencing another professional low in my life at the time, because I’d decided to walk away from the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. Back in February, just before Tye and I broke up, I had reached the end of my second year as a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader, and it was time to decide if I was going to try out again for a third year. As fun as it was, it also meant that between my job and cheering, I was facing down these insane eighteen-hour days. During the week, I worked from eight to five, and then I practiced from six to eleven. Not much room for a social life in that schedule. I also felt like cheering was taking me away from what I really cared about—you guessed it: Tye, and the life I wanted to make with him.
    When I had started with the Cowboys, I was on my own, and I could throw everything into cheering and the squad. But by the end of the 2007 football season, Tye was the new priority in my life. And so being a cheerleader wasn’t quite as fun anymore. During practice, I found myself wishing I could be having dinner with Tye, or watching weekly TV shows, instead of sweating on a football field. I hated that I couldn’t go out and do anything with Tye on the Saturday nights before games, because I had to get up and be at the stadium at seven a.m. the next day.
    So when we had been asked to make our final decisions about whether we were coming back to the squad, I turned in my NO. It had been an easy decision to make at the time. I felt 100 percent sure that I was ready to go on to the next stage of my life, with the guy who I wanted to be with forever.
    Two weeks later, Tye and I broke up. I didn’t have the guy anymore. Or the Cowboys. Suddenly, all I had in my life was my day job. This was awful, because I needed something to keep me busy at night to distract me from all that I didn’t have. So I triedto go back to the Cowboys. I went into the Cheerleaders’ office and made my case. I spoke with the director and choreographer of the organization and told them that I’d made a mistake, and that I would love it if they would consider letting me come back for the next season. I knew this was a big deal because they’re an organization with a philosophy along the lines of: “If you’re not all in, we don’t want you.”
    I honestly have no idea why, but they decided to let me come back. Maybe it was because I was a two-year veteran, and so they were invested enough in me to give me a second chance. Or maybe my humility impressed them. They were very intimidating women, and it took a lot for me to go to them and admit fault and ask for forgiveness. Even though they had let me return, I knew I was going to be on thin ice for a little bit, and I wasn’t going to have any room to screw up.
    Most of the girls on the team were supportive, especially those who had become my close friends. But, of course, everyone knew I was returning because my relationship with Tye was over. And not all of the girls were 100 percent receptive, which made it difficult for me. I was given the stipulation that I wasn’t allowed to go on the photo shoot for the calendar that year.
    Fair enough.
    But a few of the girls were constantly reminding me of this. They’d say things like, “Why are you at practice tonight when you’re not even going on the calendar shoot?”
    I didn’t really care about the shoot, but some of the girls took it as an opportunity to make me feel as if I wasn’t really a part of the squad anymore. My self-esteem was already shot, and