My Hot New Year Read Online Free PDF Page A

slowly.  "Your father is going to ask what's going on with you.  He asked if everything was all right with you, and I said it was.  But, you are going to have to talk to him."
    "Thanks, Mom, I love you," I say, squeezing her hand tightly.  "Now can I get back to work?"
    "Sure, but I want you to know I love you, too.  You are going to make a life for yourself, I just know it," she says wistfully, jumping to her feet.
    I know she wants to believe that’s true, but I'm not certain that she really does.  As I round the corner toward the door, my smile gradually slips, and humiliation begins to fall on me with each step toward the car.  Of course, the whole thing is ridiculous.  I know I shouldn't care what Jake thinks about my cold feet.  Even so, I have to admit this is going to hurt.  Why haven't I been able to find someone since Scott left?  There isn't anyone else in my life, and Jake's going to be one hard memory to forget.  Telling him that I can't come by his hotel tonight is going to be impossible.  I'd rather have five root canals than go through with it.
    Where is Tony Robbins when I need him?
    Focus…family first!  Then there's the fact that I transform into a immoral freak when I'm around him.  It’s time to get my brain back.  I swallow hard.  Panic is alive and well.  Guilt has come for a visit, too.
    Mom pulls up at the front entrance.  I hug her tightly and thank her.  As I slam the car door and wave goodbye, I turn toward the building I've considered my second home for 3 years and pause.
    It’s time to say goodbye.
     
     

 
     
    Chapter 3: Decision Time  
     
     
    On the way to my boss’ office, I pause to check my appearance and take a deep breath.  For a moment, my heart stands still.  This is it.  It's time to move on.
    Once I get close to his door, I stand there trying to appear casual, until I muster the strength to raise my fist and knock.  Then, in one motion, I reach up and make two quick vibrations on the wooden door.  
    "Good afternoon, Jillian," says Jim, motioning me to the chair near his desk.
    "Jim thanks for your time," I say in a friendliest professional manner I can muster.  "I just wanted to let you know that I am grateful for the position in New York, and I'm looking forward to hearing the specifics."
    "Wonderful.  Let me get the ball in motion, and I'll have the folks up phone you right away and get the move started.  Sound all right?"
    Oh, God.  What am I supposed to say to that?  It's so, so FINAL.  Wow.  That quick, and it's all over!
    "I suppose so," I say, aware that I don't sound 110 percent convinced…and also aware that maybe I should come clean and say I’m not ready.  Somehow I swallow my emotions and press on.  To be honest, it would be a lot easier just to go grab the boxes and start packing them now.
    "When would you like your end date to be here?"  He crinkles his forehead.
    For an instant I can't think, let alone move.  What am I supposed to say to that?  It's such an obvious question that I am absolutely not ready to answer.
    "Ummm...could we talk about that tomorrow?  I should check my kids' schedules and see what I can manage.  Is that okay with you?"
    "Sure.  Let's revisit everything later this week, after you talk to New York.  Sound good?"
    "Yes.  For sure," I say, trying to sound normal.  "Thanks, for everything.  I hope you have a good afternoon," I say as I begin to stand up.
    "Thanks, Jillian.  Again, congratulations.  This isn't just about Scott; I want you to know that."
    Jim gives me a slight smile and a handshake.
    "I appreciate that," I say, and return his cordial offering before heading for the door.
    I glance down at my watch.  2:05.  I consider it my time of death at Wilshire.  It happened that quickly.  As I walk back toward my cubicle, I can't help but think of my first day here.  I can even recall the plant that Mom and Dad sent me to help spruce up my barren desk.  I was so excited, I could