My Fight to the Top Read Online Free PDF Page A

– it was beautifully laid for dinner. I was admiring the whole set-up when, suddenly, my heart stopped. I actually didn’t know which piece of bread to take – should I go for the one on the left of my plate or on the right? Don’t forget, up to this point I’d only eaten dinner off my knees in front of the TV.
    Oh, my god
.
    I didn’t know whether to use the big knife and fork first or the smaller set that was positioned on their outside.
    What do I do? What do I do?
I panicked.
    So I just smiled.
    I waited for everyone else to pick up their bread.
    It’s to the left, it’s to the left
, I drilled in my head.
    And then I watched everyone pick up their knives and forks – they started outside, working in.
    Great, I’ve got that as well
.
    I taught myself table manners that night. I came away from dinner knowing what a red and a white wine glass was, but I also returned home feeling even more determined about what I wanted from life. I too wanted to raise a family in a big house, in the posh part of town.
    Eleven months after we first met, Michael surprised me one night by turning up at my house in a brand new Mercedes. Oh, my god, can you imagine a flash car parked outside our wee bungalow? Everyone was leaning out of their windows saying, ‘What the hell is going on?’
    ‘What are you doing?’ I came out of my house in my slippers.
    ‘Come on, it’s a surprise.’ He grinned.
    I knew there and then that something was going on. It sounds cheesy but I felt like a fairy-tale princess being swept away, being rescued by her prince. Michael had borrowed the Mercedes from his neighbours, Ben and Ilene, because he wanted to impress me. He took me for dinner at a fancy restaurant and asked me to marry him. I knew that as soon as I got married I was out of the East End. That’s not why I said ‘Yes’ to Michael because I really loved him, but I knew Michael would never want to live where I grew up. I was 18. My mum and dad were happy for me because they could see I was in love. There was one small obstacle that stood in our way though.
    I was part of the Church of Scotland (Protestant), and Michael was Catholic. Michael felt strongly about his religion and told me he wanted me to convert. It was a big thing in the East End to be marrying a Catholic, let alone to be changing your religion. I wanted to marry Michael so I did it for him. I went to Catholic lessons three nights a week. My mum and dad have always supported my decisions but I can imagine their friends had a few words to say about it.
    We started planning the wedding and got as far as setting the date, booking the band and choosing the hotel before I found out I was pregnant. It was a ‘mistake’ but it was a good mistake and, in any case, being pregnant at 19 wasn’t young for where I grew up. I was very pleased because my dad had shared with me how it was his dream to stay alive for his grandchildren. It made me happy knowing I was doing something for him. When my mum and dad lost my wee brother, I felt they were always missing that baby and I wanted to give them a grandchild. I thought it would make them feel complete.
    Both Mum and Dad were over the moon with the news. Michael’s parents were a bit displeased – or maybe ‘disappointed’ is a better word – because they were Catholics. Having sex before marriage wasn’t the right way to do things. We didn’t tell the bishop I was pregnant because I was in the process of converting to Catholicism. Instead, we brought the wedding forward six months so I wouldn’t be showing!
    Both sets of parents put in what they could for the wedding although mine didn’t have much. I bought a white dress in the sale – it was really quite boring looking, but as I turned over the fabric in my hands, an idea popped into my head. I’d recently watched a film called
My Stepmother is an Alien
and I loved the backless wedding dress which had a big heart cut out in the back. So I turned to the woman in the shop.