Murder Has Nine Lives Read Online Free PDF

convinced he can beat her, and has been busy memorizing all sorts of ridiculous words. Like syzygy (an alignment of three celestial bodies, a potential 93 points), muzhik (a Russian peasant, 128 points), and quetzal (the national bird of Guatemala, 374 points). I’ve spent hours giving him spelling tests. Only in our house it’s not called testing. It’s called “quizzifying” (a potential 419 points).
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    And to make matters worse, he refuses to take off his ghastly plaid golfing cap, the one with the red pom-pom on top. He insists it’s his “Lucky Thinking Cap” and that he’s never lost a game without it. Which technically is true, since the only person he ever plays with is me, and I let him win all the time.
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    Well, must run and order a Za (short for pizza , a potential 62 points).
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    Had no time to cook. Too busy quizzifying.
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    Love and XXX,
Mom
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    To: Jausten
From: DaddyO
Subject: A Shoo-In to Win
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    Dearest Lambchop—
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    Have you heard the exciting news? I’ve entered the annual Tampa Vistas Scrabble Tournament. And I’m a shoo-in to win. I’ve been hard at work memorizing the Scrabble dictionary, playing Scrabble on my iPhone, and fortifying myself with strategically timed Power Naps. And thanks to my Lucky Thinking Cap, my mind has been a virtual steel trap. I swear, your old DaddyO has become a walking, talking word machine!
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    Lydia Pinkus has been champion for years, and it’s time somebody knocked her off her throne. Just because she has a degree in library science, she thinks she invented the English language. I can’t wait to see the look on the old battle-axe’s face when I walk away with the prized Scrabble championship ring.
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    Wish me luck, Lambchop!
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    Love ’n’ snuggles from
DaddyO

Chapter 5
    M om’s “lei” bathing suit arrived the next day, a hunk of industrial-strength latex with hidden “tummy tuck panels.” The kind of suit last worn by Mamie Eisenhower at Camp David. Mom bought it for me in a ridiculously large size, and clearly the garment was mislabeled because the hideous thing actually fit.
    I made up my mind to lose ten pounds promptly, so I’d have a decent excuse to return it.
    It’s a well known fact in Austen family lore that Mom is addicted to the Home Shopping Channel. In fact, she actually made Daddy retire three thousand miles across country to be near the shopping channel headquarters in Florida, under the mistaken notion that her packages would be delivered faster that way.
    You might conclude from this that Mom is the family eccentric. You’d conclude wrong. That honor goes to Daddy, a man who attracts trouble like freshly washed cars attract rain. As Mom so often says about him: “He doesn’t have ulcers. He’s just a carrier.”
    I only hoped Daddy wouldn’t drive Mom too crazy prepping for his Scrabble tournament. On the other hand, the more he kept her busy with the tournament, the less time she’d have to buy me “fun” outfits from the shopping channel.
    I was standing at the foot of my bed that morning, trying to wriggle my way out of my Outrageous Orange Lei Tankini, when the phone rang.
    Deedee’s voice came sailing over the line.
    â€œGuess what, sweetie?” she trilled. “I’m taking you to lunch. At the Peninsula Hotel!”
    The Peninsula? The swellegant hotel in the heart of Beverly Hills, where rooms started at six hundred dollars a night? What a quantum leap from my usual Quarter Pounder at Mickey D’s.
    â€œMeet me there at noon! We’ll sign your contract and toast darling Prozac with a bottle of Dom Pérignon.”
    â€œThat’s awfully nice of you, Deedee.”
    â€œPish tosh! It’s my pleasure.”
    With not much time to spare, I zipped into the bathroom for a quick shower and then dolled myself up for the occasion in skinny jeans,