Mucked Up Read Online Free PDF Page B

pig is in our school. They’ve let it go down the corridor and it has run toward us then stopped halfway and is now standing in the middle of the corridor all confused.
    ‘YOU TWO THERE, REMOVE THIS ANIMAL FROM THE CORRIDOR IMMMEEEED -I-ATELY !!!!!!!!’
    But the sumo-guys are not scared of Mr Pooks, they are proud of what they’ve done, they’re bouncing off each other’s guts, doing a victory gutfat-bounce. Bloody pisser, we are cry-laughing. Richard Brincat is laughing so hard he is hurting, he is bent over trying to get his breath back.
    One of the sumo-guys does a rude thing to Mr Pooks with his hand where he holds his fist down then pops it up like a stiffy popping up, then the stiffy kind of wobbles like it’s swollen. (Theo Chalkis showed me that once; he reckons it’s a rude hand signal in Turkey though from the look of it, I reckon it’d be rude pretty much anywhere on earth.)

    Then both the sumo-guys laugh and run out the door, leaving the pig just standing there in the corridor by itself.
    Pooks looks at the pig. The pig looks at Pooks. I don’t know what Pooks is thinking of doing. Is he going to catch the pig, pick up the pig?
    ‘Go on, Ezra, get the pig!’ Cody Carruthers yelled that out. That’s how disrespectful he is to Pooks, he calls him by his first name which is Ezra, but I wouldn’t have the guts to go that far.
    ‘ ENOUGH , CODY , I WANT YOU ALL BACK IN CLASS ! ’
    Nobody goes of course. Nobody’s scared of Pooks, he’s a feeble weako who can’t hurt anybody. We have seen him coach Year 7 cricket and he covers his head every time a cricket ball comes near. We have seen him at Year 8 camp, on the way to Phillip Island, when he sat up the front of the coach and talked to the driver because even other teachers find him too Pooksyish to talk to. We have seen him ride his lame bike that you lie on your back to ride, with the flag on the back because he is proud of what a sackless wonder he is.
    Richard Brincat is pointing at the pig: ‘Oi Mandy … why don’t ya introduce us to your sister?’ and Mandy Karaniki goes ‘Fun-NYYYY, Richard’ in a fake-laughing way. Richard Brincat is always saying mean things to Mandy Karaniki. It is kind of funny because Mandy Karaniki looks like a pig in summer when her pink arms poke out of her sleeves.
    Pooks takes a step closer to the pig and the pig turns and runs back down the corridor, slipping on the floor cos its skin is all slippery and wettish. They must’ve put Vaseline on it so you can’t grab it easily. It slides on the floor and bangs into a wall, right in its pigface. Now it’s looking at us because it doesn’t know where to go and its nappy is coming off and half hanging off the back.
    Hahahahahahaha.

    And just when you wouldn’t think any of this could get any funnier, lawwwwwwdy, the pig starts plopping itself. A bit of plop comes out the back where the nappy is hanging off. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, it’s funny and sad at the same time. Funnysad.
    Pooksy’s gonna pop. His face is all red and weirdy: the only word I can think of to describe it is ‘Pooksyish’.
    ‘I’M NOT SURE WHAT YOU ARE ALL FIND ING SO AMUSING , THIS IS AN ANIMAL IN DISTRESS , GET INTO CLASS AND STOP GAWKING LIKE F-O-O-L-S! ’
    Pooks’ voice cracks and a coupla scaredy crawlers like Liz Green and Mandy Karaniki go into I.T. Hub but the rest of us don’t move.
    Pooks takes little steps toward the pig. You can tell he is frightened because he is looking round all the time hoping another teacher will come along to help him catch it. As he gets closer, the pig takes off right to the end of the corridor then goes out the door where the sumo Year 12ers ran out.
    ‘Hey Ezra, get on your bike and catch the pig!’ goes Brincat, which gets big laughs.
    ‘Don’t step in the piggy poo, Ezra!’ says Cody Carruthers, which gets bigger laughs.
    Poor Pooks, I'm actually starting to feel sorry for him. He’s stopped in the middle of