Mrs. Tim of the Regiment Read Online Free PDF Page A

divines my complete ignorance as to the nature of the pea crab and despises my subterfuge.
    Fourteenth January
    Go down early to the barracks to arrange about the Christmas tree and spend the morning trying to reconcile Mrs. Harris and Mrs. McInnes – both of whom had been asked by Mrs. Benson to decorate the tree. As Mrs. McInnes is the wife of the R.S.M., and Mrs. Harris the wife of the quartermaster sergeant it appears that Mrs. Benson has shown even less tact than usual in her choice. Find that the only possible way of getting tree decorated is to take a firm stand myself and overrule all suggestions of both my assistants.
    After everything has been arranged Major Morley appears with his moving-picture projector followed by his batman bearing a large white screen. Mrs. Benson has asked him to give a movie entertainment but has quite forgotten to tell anybody else that she has done so.
    There is nothing for it but to move tree into a corner, during which process most of the decorations fall off. The screen is nailed up on the wall, and we all go home to lunch.
    The entertainment starts with tea at three thirty. Infants are fed unsuitably with cake dipped in stewed tea, while larger children cram themselves to bursting point with sugar cakes and meringues. Mrs. Norrie has brought her five children but they all look after each other, the eldest girl (who is Betty’s age) has the baby on her knee so that Mrs. Norrie is freed of all material cares and can enjoy herself and gossip amiably with her neighbours. Feel that this is an excellent plan, and might be introduced into other circles with advantage.
    Go round making inane remarks to everyone and asking after babies and absentees, but am conscious all the time that I am being a bit of a bore and that the party would go much more cheerily if I were not there.
    One of the Clarke children is violently sick, but nobody seems to mind, Mrs C. saying in a deprecating manner that ‘Clarer ’as always suffered something crule from ’er stummick.’ Am full of admiration for her sang-froid, as I should have been covered with confusion if Betty had chosen such a public occasion for being unwell.
    The tables and chairs are now pushed aside and Sergeant Banks appears dressed as Father Christmas to present the gifts off the tree. He keeps up a running fire of quips and jokes which causes much merriment, but is not calculated to conceal his identity, and it is evident that the youngest child present is not deceived by his red gown and long white beard.
    â€˜Here’s a popgun for you, Willie Norrie,’ he says jovially, ‘and don’t you be shooting at baby sister with it, that’s all I say. Keep it to shoot the Germans next time they comes to Biddington. Well, Maisie MacDonald, there’s a doll for you somewhere, if I didn’t drop it coming down the chimney No, here it is and not a speck of soot on it, I declare Wonderful how clean the chimneys are in this barracks. Paintbox for Sammy Smith You better ask Dad for one of his forms to paint on, Sammy.’ (This suggestion brings down the house, as Sammy’s father is the orderly-room clerk.)
    â€˜What you got for me, Dad?’ shouts the youngest Banks. Father Christmas raises his head and gazes sternly round the hall. ‘I’ll trouble you to speak respectfully to me, young Jimmy Banks,’ he says gravely. ‘It’s Father Christmas is my name or maybe Santa to my closest pals, but I never remember being called Dad before. Never except once and d’you know what happened to that young boy who called me Dad, before?’
    â€˜Got a lickin’,’ suggests someone facetiously.
    â€˜Lickin’!’ echoes Father Christmas scornfully ‘Well you couldn’t guess, so I’ll just tell you. – A bear come out of the wood and eat him up.’
    Have a vague feeling that Sergeant Banks has mixed up Father Christmas’s mantle with that of Elisha,