Mr. Docker Is Off His Rocker! Read Online Free PDF

salad.
    â€œMr. Docker,” I asked. “Why don’t eggs break under a chicken? How come heavy boats can float but light rocks sink? Do cats have belly buttons?”
    â€œWhoa!” said Mr. Docker. “Slow down, A.J.!”
    â€œWhy does my dad have hair growing out of his ears?” I asked. “How do microwave ovens work? What would happen if I dropped a watermelon off the Empire State Building?”
    â€œA.J., I think I’m getting a headache,” said Mr. Docker.
    â€œWhere do babies come from, Mr. Docker? Is a tomato a fruit or a vegetable? Why is water wet? How many toothpickscan you make out of one tree?”
    â€œThat’s enough, A.J.!” said Mr. Docker.
    â€œWhy do clocks go clockwise, Mr. Docker?” I asked. “Why do leaves change color? Why is ice slippery? If you don’t milk a cow, will the cow explode?”
    â€œStop, A.J.!” shouted Mr. Docker.
    â€œWhy are bubbles round, Mr. Docker? Why do we sneeze? What’s the difference between jelly and jam? How come when cartoon characters run off cliffs, they don’t fall right away? Why do grown-ups like vegetables? How come some people can roll their tongues and other people can’t? Where did Mr. Klutz’s hair go? Why does the moon look bigger than the sun?”
    â€œI can’t take it anymore!” Mr. Docker shouted.
    Then he ran out of the room. His head wasn’t even on fire, but it was cool anyway.

12
The Worst Moment of My Life
    We had to let Andrea sit with us in the vomitorium because I was still being nice to her. My mom packed me a jelly sandwich because it was meat loaf day and I hate meat loaf.
    â€œI love meat loaf,” said Andrea. “It goes so well with mashed potatoes.”
    What a waste, I thought, looking at Andrea’s mashed potatoes. Those potatoes could be powering someone’s car or washing machine.
    Suddenly Mr. Klutz came running into the vomitorium.
    â€œHas anybody seen Mr. Docker?” asked Mr. Klutz. “He ran away again.”

    Everybody looked at me.
    â€œA.J. drove him crazy,” said Andrea, the big tattletale. “He asked Mr. Docker so many why questions that he went running out of the room.”
    â€œIt’s not my fault!” I said. “Mr. Docker was crazy long before I got to him.”
    â€œIt is too your fault!”
    â€œIs not!”
    We went back and forth like that for a while. Finally I got sick of listening to Andrea. I scooped up some of her mashed potatoes and mashed them right on top of her head! Ha-ha-ha!
    â€œEeeeeek!” Andrea screamed. “I’m covered in potatoes!”
    â€œSo is your face!” I yelled.
    Andrea got up and stood on her chair.
    â€œHey everybody!” she yelled. “I have an announcement. I know what A.J. stands for. A.J. stands for…Arlo Jervis!”
    No!
    She said it! I couldn’t believe she actually said it! Out loud!
    I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to do. I had to think fast.
    So I did the only thing I could do. I ran out of the vomitorium. I ran out of the school. I ran home.
    And that’s where I’m going to stay for the rest of my life.

    Maybe after a million hundred years goby, everybody will forget that A.J. stands for Arlo Jervis. Maybe then I’ll be able to go back to school and face my friends again. Maybe then I’ll be able to return to a normal life.

    But it won’t be easy!

About the Author and the Illustrator
    DAN GUTMAN has written many weird books for kids. Dan lives in New Jersey (a very weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. You can visit him on his weird website at www.dangutman.com

    JIM PAILLOT lives in Arizona (another weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. Isn’t that weird? You can visit him on his weird website at www.jimpaillot.com
    Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins