More Than I Can Bear Read Online Free PDF

“If the shoe were on the other foot, I wouldn’t bite my tongue not for one second. But the shoe is not on the other foot. I’m wearing it and everything in me wants to kick it off and go running away barefoot.”
    â€œYou can’t run from this.” Norman walked over to Paige and put an arm around her. “Well, maybe you can run, but you can’t hide.”
    â€œAnd I can’t have this baby either, Norman. I just can’t. I don’t want it. I don’t want it. I don’t want it.” Paige burst out into tears. “Someone who is meant to be a mother would never say that about her child. And if I’m saying that now, if I’m feeling that much disdain about the baby now, I can only imagine how I’ll feel if I have to look into its eyes and see . . . and see . . .”
    â€œAnd see what, Paige? And see who?” Norman prodded.
    â€œI can’t.” Paige shook her head.
    â€œYou can. Just say it. It’s a time for truth, remember? The whole truth. That’s what’s going to make you free.” Norman grabbed Paige gently by the shoulders to face him. “You don’t want to look into your baby’s eyes and have to see who?”
    Paige allowed the flow of her tears to lighten before she spoke. “Me. I don’t want to have to look into my baby’s eyes and see me. Not Blake, but me, my life. I’m so afraid I won’t be able to save my baby from all the hurt and pain that I’m filled with, all the hurt and pain that led up to its conception. I don’t want to see that every time I look at my child. I can truly understand now why Tamarra did what she did.”
    A puzzled look scurried across Norman’s face.
    â€œNothing. Never mind,” Paige said, realizing Norman was clueless of her former best friend’s past that Tamarra had shared with Paige.
    Whether Paige was no longer friends with Tamarra or not, it wasn’t her place to reveal to anyone that Tamarra had been raped repeatedly by her blood brother when she was growing up. As a result of the rape she became pregnant and gave birth to a child that her parents ended up raising as their own. Tamarra couldn’t bear to nurture the seed of her pain. So she packed up and moved from Maryland here to Malvonia, Ohio, leaving her past behind . . . and her child. A child whom she never raised as her own a day in her life.
    Paige had never judged Tamarra for that. She was so glad she hadn’t either, because now she found herself in a similar circumstance. Only she wasn’t even going to give her child the opportunity to be born, let alone abandon it. She didn’t even want to weigh the worst of the two evils.
    â€œLike I said, Paige, change your story. Change who you are. Choose to see something different in yourself, in your child.”
    â€œNorman, don’t. You don’t have to agree with what I’m doing, but please don’t try to talk me out of it. My luggage is already overweight for this guilt trip and I can’t afford to pay any extra fees.” Paige sharply removed herself from the kitchen, and headed back to the living room where she turned on a lamp.
    Norman followed on Paige’s heels with what appeared to be excitement. “No, no, I’m not trying to talk you out of anything. I’m just trying to get you to understand your true reasons for wanting to abort your child. Maybe if you can confront and deal with your reasons—”
    â€œI know my reasons. As selfish as they are, I’m well aware of them.” Paige sat down on the couch on top of the blanket that had once covered her. “I’m damaged right now. I never even got a chance to heal from the last wound before I got inflicted with something else. I’m bitter, I’m mad, and it’s poison. It’s not fair to bring a child into this mess. Besides, I’m divorced. I’m pregnant. I ain’t been saved but a few