Miz Scarlet and the Bewildered Bridegroom Read Online Free PDF Page A

it ‘tis, milady,
in black and white.”
    “Well, the point is
we’re right about you being dull
as...nay...
thick as a
brick
when it comes to romance.”
Lacey turned to Jenny to confirm the appropriateness of her idiom
and got a nod.
    “Brick works for me,”
the teen agreed, perhaps a little too
enthusiastically.
    “Should we tell her
what she’s missing when she cringes at the thought of going to a
‘shoot ‘em up’ movie with the adorable, handsome hunk, better known
as Kenny?”
    “We should.” I saw that
impertinent young woman’s eyes twinkle as she turned to me. “You’re
supposed to cling to him during the scary parts, so that you get to
snorgle on the ride home.”
    “What?”I replied
blankly. Even Lacey looked at the girl with a quizzical
expression.
    “You know, snorgle. You
grab him and bring your lips up to his....”
    The senior citizen
corrected her again. “I think you mean snog, dearie. I’ve never
heard of snorgle as a verb.”
    “Snorgle, snog!” I
reproved them, appalled that they felt compelled to discuss my
intimate relationship with Captain Peacock. “I think you’re both
crackers!”
    “And she wonders why
she’s not married yet,” said Lacey as she pursed her
lips
.
“Tsk-tsk-tsk. She’s too proud to lean on a man
because she’s a strong, modern woman. I say any time you can get a
man to pay attention to you, that’s an opportunity to open the door
to romance.”
    “It’s not about being
weak or helpless, Miz Scarlet,” my assistance explained. “It’s
about being physically close. You don’t want to appear too
stand-offish....”
    “If you two are done
dispensing romantic advice, I think I’ll get on with my
work.”
    “See that?” Lacey
pointed right at me. “Her nose is out of joint because she thinks
she’s supposed to be more like a man. She probably challenges Kenny
to a couple of rounds of arm-wrestling when they go out, to see
who’s going to pick up the tab. Yes, every man wants a female
buddy, a fishing pal, someone to go Dutch treat with on their
dates. They probably toss a coin to determine who’s going to make
the first move.”
    “Don’t you have
somewhere to be?” I slipped on my most disapproving face, the one I
mastered back when I first started teaching high school and I
wanted my students to know they were skating on thin
ice.
Take that,
madam.
    “Ever notice how snippy
Miz Scarlet gets when people try to help?” Lacey gave Jenny a
little poke of her elbow. “Rather like that prim, proper schoolmarm
on
Little House on the
Prairie
. What was her name
again?”
    “Are you suggesting I,
in any way, resemble Miss Beadle?”
    “If the crinoline
fits....” said the woman with the sly grin. I caught her wink out
of the corner of my eye and realized this was part of her strategy.
She was playing me for all it was worth. If I was clueless about
romance, the Googins girls and their cohort would have free reign
with the wedding business.
Over
my dead body.
    “I give up. You
win.”
    “It’s a start, but
you’ll need to come to me for lessons in the art of catching a man.
Isn’t that right, Jenny?”
    “I could probably tutor
her on the opposite sex.” Spoken with the naive bravado of the
under twenty. “I don’t think she has a lot of experience in dating
men.”
    I ignored them both,
needing to change the subject. “Jen, if Kenny’s picking me up
early, is there any chance you could....”
    “...Finish the clean-up
after dinner?” The teenager grinned. “It will be my
pleasure.”
    “Speaking of that, what
is for dinner?” Lacey wanted to know.
    “Not oysters, if that’s
what you’re going to suggest,” I replied drily. “Let me guess. You
had a busy day chasing men.”
    “No, I just got done
with an hour of synchronized swimming with the Red Hot
Mamas.”
    “That sounds like
fun.”
    “Maybe it is for the
participants; probably not so much for the spectators. We’re a
bunch of women over sixty five in spandex