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you,” she said. “Is there somewhere we can talk privately?”
    “Right here,” Fred said. “My assistant’s on the 800 line in my office, placing a catalog order, and everyone else is next door in Graphic Design at a Tupperware party.” He pushed a key, and the computer screen went blank. “What did you want to talk to me about?”
    “Evie said you’re a magician,” she said.
    He looked embarrassed. “Not really. The PMS Committee put me in charge of the magic show for the office party last year, and I came up with an act. This year, luckily, they assigned me to play Santa Claus.” He smiled and patted his stomach. “I’m the right shape for the part, and I don’t have to worry about the tricks not working.”
    “Oh, dear,” Lauren said. “I hoped … do you know any magicians?”
    “The guy at the novelty shop,” he said, looking worried. “What’s the matter? Did PMS assign you the magic show this year?”
    “No.” She sat down on the edge of his desk. “My sister is into New Age stuff, and she sent me this spirit—”
    “Spirit,” he said. “A ghost, you mean?”
    “No. A person. I mean he looks like a person. He says he’s the Spirit of Christmas Present, as in Gift, not Here and Now.”
    “And you’re sure he’s not a person? I mean, tricks can sometimes really look like magic.”
    “There’s a Christmas tree in my kitchen,” she said.
    “Christmas tree?” he said warily.
    “Yes. The spirit was upset because my Christmas cards weren’t on recycled paper. He asked me if I knew how many trees were chopped down to send Christmas cards, then he disappeared, and when I went back in the kitchen there was this Christmas tree in my kitchen.”
    “And there’s no way he could have gotten into your apartment earlier and put it there?”
    “It’s
growing
out of the floor. Besides, it wasn’t there when we were in the kitchen five minutes before. See, he was watching
It’s a Wonderful Life
on TV, which, by the way, he turned on without using the remote, and he asked me if I had any Evian water, and he went into the kitchen and … this is ridiculous. You have to think I’m crazy.
I
think I’m crazy just listening to myself tell this ridiculous story. Evian water!” She folded her arms. “People have a lot of nervous breakdowns around Christmastime. Do you think I could be having one?”
    The woman with the wrapping-paper rolls peered over the cubicle. “Have you got a tape dispenser?”
    Fred shook his head.
    “How about a stapler?”
    Fred handed her his stapler, and she left.
    “Well,” Lauren said when she was sure the woman was gone, “do you think I’m having a nervous breakdown?”
    “That depends,” he said.
    “On what?”
    “On whether there’s really a tree growing out of your kitchen floor. You said he got angry because your Christmas cards weren’t on recycled paper. Do you think he’s dangerous?”
    “I don’t know. He says he’s here to give me whatever I want for Christmas. Except a fur coat. He’s opposed to the killing of endangered species.”
    “A spirit who’s an animal-rights activist!” Fred said delightedly. “Where did your sister get him from?”
    “The astral plane,” Lauren said. “She was trance-channeling or something. I don’t care where he came from. I just want to get rid of him before he decides my Christmas presents aren’t recyclable, too.”
    “Okay,” he said, hitting a key on the computer. The screen lit up. “The first thing we need to do is find out what he is and how he got here. I want you to call your sister. Maybe she knows some New Age spell for getting rid of the spirit.” He began to type rapidly. “I’ll get on the Net and see if I can find someone who knows something about magic.” He swiveled around to face her. “You’re sure you want to get rid of him?”
    “I have a
tree
growing out of my kitchen floor!”
    “But what if he’s telling the truth? What if he really can get you what you want for