Milo Moon: It Never Happened Read Online Free PDF Page A

way onto his kitchen table, but then thought it better to start thinking about eating it. He didn’t think about that for very long, as he was seriously hungry. He decided he would start thinking about how the pizza may have made its way onto his kitchen table when he arrived at his third slice. The pizza was so good, he forgot to think when he was on his third slice and it wasn’t until he started on the last slice that he wondered again how the pizza might have made its way onto his kitchen table. Before he could think, or finish the last slice, his thoughts were interrupted by a familiar sound.
    ‘Drrrinnggggg, ddrrriinng.’
    ‘Bad luck. I’ve eaten it all!’ he shouted.
    ‘Drrrinnggggg, ddrrriinng.’
    ‘The lock is broken. You might as well just barge in.’
    ‘Drrrinnggggg, ddrrriinng.’
    ‘Oh heavens to Betsy,’ Milo mumbled, and went to the door with the remains of his last slice of pizza still in hand. ‘Who are you?’ he asked grumpily, as he found a woman standing on his doorstep. He presumed she was a woman because she had longish hair and breasts. The rest just looked officious, and it was hard to be gender specific when it came to officiousness.
    ‘Mr. Moon?’ she asked gruffly.
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘Good. I’m here to take you for your re-identification.’
    ‘My what?’
    ‘Re-identification. Mr. Smithe explained this to you, I’m sure.’
    ‘So you’re a friend of George then?’
    ‘A colleague, Mr. Moon. A colleague, yes.’
    ‘I don’t recall George mentioning anything about, eh, what was it again. Re something?’ Milo asked, with sincerity.
    ‘Re-identification Mr. Moon,’ the woman said, rather snappily.
    ‘I’m terribly sorry, but I missed your name.’
    ‘Oh I’m sorry. Most impolite of me not to have introduced myself. Hilda Harpinger. I’m an officer with Alpha Reality Control.’
    ‘ARC?’
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘Would you like some coffee, Mrs Harpinger?’
    ‘Oh it’s Miss, and thank you, I would love a cuppa! It’s been a long day,’ she replied, in a complete change of tone, and with a cheeky little smile.
    ‘Well, please come in,’ Milo said, and then wondered if he might have made a mistake. He then wondered where his cat was.
    ‘You look a little pale Mr. Moon,’ Hilda said.
    ‘I think my cat has been abducted.’
    ‘Oh don’t be silly. Cats always come and go as they please. I’m sure your cat will return when it’s good and ready.’
    ‘He was here this morning. His name is Cindy,’ Milo said sadly.
    ‘Your male cat is called, Cindy?’
    ‘Sorry, long story. Black or white?’
    ‘Cat?’
    ‘No, coffee.’
    ‘Oh, sorry. Black please.’
    Milo finished preparing the coffee in silence, while he ate the remnants of his last slice of pizza and thought about his cat. He put the two mugs on the table, and then realised how convenient having two chairs was. It helped take his mind off Cindy for a second.
    ‘You mentioned something about re-identification.’
    ‘Oh yes, sorry, but George must have told you. It was supposed to have been done earlier today, but there was a mix up with your file.’
    ‘Well, the only thing I can recall George saying, was something about being wiped. I don’t remember that it happened, but then again today hasn’t been all that clear to me in any form really.’
    ‘Oh, wiped. Well, that’s George for you. He is one for a little slang from time to time,’ Hilda said.
    ‘Slang?’
    ‘Yes, slang. Re-identification is the process of having your chimeryon memory erased and having your new formyon identity installed. George likes to call it wiped. He is not one for big long words.’
    ‘Right,’ Milo said slowly, as if some of the information from Miss Harpinger was making a little sense.
    ‘So now that’s all clear,’ Hilda said, in a matter of fact, that’s all clear, now let’s move on sort of way.
    ‘Nobody has wished me happy birthday today, you know,’ Milo said, rather distantly.
    ‘Happy birthday to you,