Miles From Kara Read Online Free PDF Page A

“Let’s go get our drinks. You okay, Kar?”
    â€œI’m perfect. Why does everyone keep asking me that?” I snapped. Olivia’s eyes widened and I instantly felt like shit. “Look, I’m sorry. I’m just . . . sorry.”
    Her expression softened. “Just get a drink. You’ll feel better after you’ve cut the edge a little.”
    I nodded, but inside I felt even worse. When did I start having an edge?
    They slipped through the crowd, and I leaned against the bar, trying to remember when I stopped being me. Fun. Carefree. Or was that never really me at all?
    â€œThey’re just concerned, mate.”
    I spun around to see Colt beside me, his head tilted down, causing his hair to shadow his eyes. My hand twitched with the desire to push it out of the way so I could see what he was thinking.
    â€œI know. There’s just nothing to be concerned over.”
    Colt shrugged. “Yeah. Maybe.”
    I glanced up.
    â€œWhy don’t you care that he’s doing that?”
    I wanted to scream,
Because the only guy on my mind these days is you
, but I couldn’t say that. I couldn’t even think that. God, when had my life become so messed up?
    â€œIt’s complicated,” I said.
    â€œNot really. Watch.” And then he strutted away from me and stepped up to Ethan, whispering in his ear. Ethan glanced back my way, then to the girl. He said something to her and then came over to me.
    â€œSorry, babe, that was just a friend.”
    â€œYet you didn’t think to introduce me, your
girl
friend?” I asked angrily. I was sick of talking about this all the time. Why couldn’t Ethan just be the Ethan he was from before, so I could go back to being my normal self and our friends would stop asking questions I didn’t want to answer?
    Ethan’s gaze shot over to Colt as though asking for help, but Colt’s expression was as stoic as ever. “I’m getting a beer.” Then he stormed off. I stared after him, wondering why he cared so much. Why he cared at all.
    â€œI’m sorry,” Ethan said, pulling me closer. “We’ve just been together so long I assume anyone I know, you know, but that isn’t always the case now, is it?”
    â€œNo, it isn’t,” I said. And then an awkward silence took over, neither of us sure what to say next. The semester was coming to a close, and somehow it felt like our relationship was also ticking toward an expiration date.
    He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close, kissing my temple, but my body didn’t warm to him like it used to. Like it should. I closed my eyes and tried to relax into him, faking contentment.
    After all, I was a master of faking it through every aspect of my life.
    ***
    And speaking of faking . . .
    I glanced at my alarm clock beside my bed. Three a.m. I’d been lying there for an hour. Ethan was long asleep, his naked body clinging to mine. It’d taken me years of dating him for us to actually have sex. Becoming pregnant at sixteen instilled the fear of God in me, but eventually I went on birth control and Ethan always wore a condom, so I sort of felt like I’d covered all my bases. The fear was still there, which was why even though we’d been together for years and had sex countless times, I had yet to have an orgasm. I just couldn’t let go like I should, couldn’t relax, couldn’t think about anything but the sex ending and my body becoming safe again. And then I’d worry for days after. God forbid my period show a day late. I would lose all ability to cope. Screwing up and getting pregnant once? My parents could forgive me, even if they refused to look me in the eye. But if it happened again I would be disowned for good.
    I gently lifted Ethan’s arm and shrugged out from under it, desperate to be alone. I eyed the clock again and slipped on my pajamas, then tiptoed out to the kitchen,