muffles the ticking. This was his solution after I told him I was sick of resetting my clock each time he stopped by my house and removed the batteries.
I have learned a lot about ADD eating etiquette from Jason. For instance, the proper way to eat a chip, next to not eating one at all, is to put the entire chip in your mouth before biting down. This way, the initial crunch is muffled. Chewing gum or sucking a lollipop around an ADD person is also taboo, especially in close proximity, such as in a car. These rules are the Constitution of ADD. Amendments can be added and quite frequently are. When I was in high school, I had some friends over for dinner. Jason picked this occasion as the perfect time to inform me that I should blow my nose because he could tell by the squeaking of my breathing pattern that I had a dry booger in the back of my nostril. I took that embarrassment better than my dad did the punch now from Jason.
“Are you fucking crazy, I’m eating a taco. It crunches,” my dad said.
“Can I go get my headphones?”
“No, it’s a family dinner, you can’t plug your ears.”
“It hurts my ears,” Jason responded.
And here we go again, another conversation I know by heart. I don’t know why my parents get so bent out of shape when I go to a race and miss a Sunday dinner—they’re all reruns.
After dinner, my mom asked me if I’d met anyone lately. I debated telling her about Paul. On the one hand, it would make her happy. Since my graduation from college, my mother has longed for me to rush into the house to tell her that I’ve found a keeper. This anticipation has become more pronounced lately, as I near my thirties single and not dating while all of her friends’ children are married and having kids. With this in mind, I decided to tell my mom about Paul in spite of the fact that I barely knew him and that doing so would expose me to ninety questions I either didn’t know the answer to or didn’t want to answer.
I said, “Maybe, we’ll see.”
With that, my mom filled my wine glass to capacity and started in: What’s his name? What does he do? How old is he? What does he look like? How did you meet? Are you going to see him again? When are you going to see him again? Oh, he’s a cyclist, can you beat him? Where does he live? Where is he from? Do you think it could be serious? What were you wearing when you met him? How did you wear your hair? Tell me you had makeup on? You didn’t drink too much did you? You should invite him over next week.
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen,” I said. “If he winds up being special I’ll invite him over and you can grill him.”
My mom is a guidance counselor for seventh graders and it just occurred to me how much she must love the daily drama that transpires at a middle school. I wonder if she tries to get them drunk before digging into their innermost thoughts.
Chapter Two
The next morning at work, my morning procrastination ritual was extended because next season’s NRC schedule was released online. NRC stands for National Race Calendar and it is the United States’ professional schedule for the cycling season, which takes place annually between the months of February and September. While I have never participated in a professional race, I planned to hit next season’s race schedule with as much of a vengeance as my fifteen vacation days permitted. Over the past five years, the NRC schedule had been quite predictable because the same race promoters from the same cities put on the same races year after year. However, this morning, women’s racing got the boost of a lifetime.
Tour de West
The first ever all-women Grand Tour stage race will take place August 30 through September 23. The route will be from San Diego, California north to Seattle, Washington. The 24 day, 1,855 mile scenic race will zigzag up the west coast, hitting most big cities, as well as the wine country and the Redwood National Forest. There will be
I have learned a lot about ADD eating etiquette from Jason. For instance, the proper way to eat a chip, next to not eating one at all, is to put the entire chip in your mouth before biting down. This way, the initial crunch is muffled. Chewing gum or sucking a lollipop around an ADD person is also taboo, especially in close proximity, such as in a car. These rules are the Constitution of ADD. Amendments can be added and quite frequently are. When I was in high school, I had some friends over for dinner. Jason picked this occasion as the perfect time to inform me that I should blow my nose because he could tell by the squeaking of my breathing pattern that I had a dry booger in the back of my nostril. I took that embarrassment better than my dad did the punch now from Jason.
“Are you fucking crazy, I’m eating a taco. It crunches,” my dad said.
“Can I go get my headphones?”
“No, it’s a family dinner, you can’t plug your ears.”
“It hurts my ears,” Jason responded.
And here we go again, another conversation I know by heart. I don’t know why my parents get so bent out of shape when I go to a race and miss a Sunday dinner—they’re all reruns.
After dinner, my mom asked me if I’d met anyone lately. I debated telling her about Paul. On the one hand, it would make her happy. Since my graduation from college, my mother has longed for me to rush into the house to tell her that I’ve found a keeper. This anticipation has become more pronounced lately, as I near my thirties single and not dating while all of her friends’ children are married and having kids. With this in mind, I decided to tell my mom about Paul in spite of the fact that I barely knew him and that doing so would expose me to ninety questions I either didn’t know the answer to or didn’t want to answer.
I said, “Maybe, we’ll see.”
With that, my mom filled my wine glass to capacity and started in: What’s his name? What does he do? How old is he? What does he look like? How did you meet? Are you going to see him again? When are you going to see him again? Oh, he’s a cyclist, can you beat him? Where does he live? Where is he from? Do you think it could be serious? What were you wearing when you met him? How did you wear your hair? Tell me you had makeup on? You didn’t drink too much did you? You should invite him over next week.
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen,” I said. “If he winds up being special I’ll invite him over and you can grill him.”
My mom is a guidance counselor for seventh graders and it just occurred to me how much she must love the daily drama that transpires at a middle school. I wonder if she tries to get them drunk before digging into their innermost thoughts.
Chapter Two
The next morning at work, my morning procrastination ritual was extended because next season’s NRC schedule was released online. NRC stands for National Race Calendar and it is the United States’ professional schedule for the cycling season, which takes place annually between the months of February and September. While I have never participated in a professional race, I planned to hit next season’s race schedule with as much of a vengeance as my fifteen vacation days permitted. Over the past five years, the NRC schedule had been quite predictable because the same race promoters from the same cities put on the same races year after year. However, this morning, women’s racing got the boost of a lifetime.
Tour de West
The first ever all-women Grand Tour stage race will take place August 30 through September 23. The route will be from San Diego, California north to Seattle, Washington. The 24 day, 1,855 mile scenic race will zigzag up the west coast, hitting most big cities, as well as the wine country and the Redwood National Forest. There will be
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