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attached.
    I left and had a shower and changed, but this time into
something “more me”. The clothes I lived in every day, comfy jeans and a
T-shirt. My hair was still damp and in a ponytail, and not a bit of makeup on
my face. My usual attire, the way I felt the most comfortable. I think my
non-glam appearance was one of the reasons my husband left me.
    “You’re an embarrassment. Why can’t you dress up the way
other wives do?”
    Shaking my head, I dispelled him from my mind. Frankly, it
had been relief when he left me. I often chastised myself for not pulling the
plug on our relationship sooner, but I had been afraid of being alone back
then. After a year of marriage to my ex the scales fell of both of our eyes and
we realized we didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. When he left, it
lifted a huge burden off my shoulders. I welcomed the solitude of my quiet
home, but now, after sharing a day and a night with Bastien, I never realized
how empty my house actually was.
    And it frightened me.
    Watching Bastien, I wondered if that was the image he
preferred as well. Someone who wore designer clothes, the elegant and
feminine-looking woman who would meet him at the door with his slippers and his
pipe, waiting for him to come home, just like my ex had expected me to do.
    I didn’t expect any relationship from Bastien when I offered
him sex. I barely knew him really. He was just my mailman.
    A fling.
    Now I wanted to know more. I wanted him for more than just a
fleeting moment of ecstasy. The real question was if a thirty-two-year-old man
would want to a divorcée hurtling toward forty.
    “Hey,” he said a bit dreamily as he rolled over to his side
and looked at me through sleepy eyes. “What time is it?”
    “It’s nine a.m., do you have to be somewhere?”
    “No, angel, I don’t. I just didn’t want to sleep the day
away and not be able to sleep tonight.” He sent her a querulous look. “What are
you doing way over there?”
    “I didn’t want to sleep the day away either.” I stood up.
Afraid of taking the chance, the doubt overtaking my common sense. “I have
deadlines to meet, so I thought if you were resting I would get some work
done.”
    “Oh,” he said quietly. “Well…yeah I should grab a shower and
head out. My roommates are probably wondering if I’m dead or something.”
    I smiled, trying not to betray the disappointment.
    What did you expect? You gave him the brush-off.
    Bastien strode over to me, cupping my face in his strong,
rough hands. He was staring down at me with an odd look on his face.
    “What?” I suddenly felt very self-conscious about the way he
was looking at me.
    “Nothing, angel.” He leaned down and kissed me gently on the
lips. The kiss was tender, like a butterfly kiss. It was as if he was saying
goodbye, maybe thank you. It tasted bittersweet. He smiled at me again, his
thumb brushing over my cheek, and then he walked away from me, heading to the
bathroom for a shower.
    Even though he hadn’t left my house, I felt empty—like he
was already gone. As I looked around the room I saw the package, the thing that
had started it all. It had fallen to the floor. I walked over to it and gave it
a swift kick so it slid under my bed. Out of sight and unused. I couldn’t look at
it.
    Bastien had been right—he was exactly what I had needed and
I was terrified.
    * * * * *
    I couldn’t bear an awkward goodbye. So, like the coward I
was, I left a note. Even though I knew I was being an idiot, which was the
biggest pet peeve in my business. Yet, I had done it. I had left a note making
an excuse about having a meeting, and thanking him for a wonderful time. For it
was what I set out to do. No-strings-attached sex. I decided to be brave for
once in my life and break out of my shell.
    Now, as I sat behind the wheel of my Jetta,parked
in the mall parking lot and listening to boring talk radio, I regretted the
path of stupidity that I had just ventured down.
    I’m like a