Made That Way Read Online Free PDF Page B

as though she’s considering a new possibility, and for a brief moment I feel some hope, but then she launches into her usual sort of thing. She even has a different tone of voice, as though she’s being interviewed by Oprah. “Well, you’ve never struck me as the type, but perhaps it’s because I’ve been too close to you. Perhaps you do have an anxiety disorder . . . .” And her eyebrows pinch together as if she’s mentally reviewing all the psychology textbooks she studied at university.
    I groan. “Mom, no…”
    â€œOh you’re right, I shouldn’t have said disorder, ” she says. “That makes it sound terrible, that’s why we try not to use labels, because they’re pathologizing. And really, Sweetheart, anxiety is something that people can learn to manage. In fact I could teach you some terrific relaxation and visualization exercises. We can start tonight. It’ll be fun! Now I’ve got to go, your dad’s still here, he’s in the shower.” She kisses my cheek. “I love you, Pumpkin. Have a great day. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine—I promise.”
    I close my eyes. Why do adults have to be such morons? She promises ? Obviously I’m on my own with this one. Tonight I’ll do an in-depth search about growth hormone and side effects on Google. Google is usually reliable.
    After I hear Mom’s car clank off down the road, I throw on a sweater and drag myself to the kitchen. I phone Grandpa and he answers, breathing hard, on the eighth ring.
    â€œHi Grandpa. It’s me, Sylvia.”
    â€œHey Pipsqueak. What’s new with you?”
    As usual I’m unsure whether Grandpa is kidding or showing more signs of senile dementia. “Brooklyn got here yesterday,” I tell him.
    â€œWell how is he? Do you like him?”
    â€œHe bit the driver.”
    Grandpa clears his throat. “What does . . . er . . . Dakota think of that?”
    â€œYou mean Kansas. She’s not sure. She says I have to be careful around him and give him time to settle in.”
    â€œThat’s good advice. Do you like him?”
    â€œI think so.” It’s not so much that I’m lying as that I’m being kind. Grandpa has been very generous and I don’t want to hurt his feelings. “Grandpa, do you know what breed he is? Kansas was wondering if maybe he was part Shetland pony, because his coat is kind of long, and because he isn’t as tall as we were expecting.”
    â€œI don’t know, Pipsqueak. I’ll see if Travis knows, but he kept a lot of horses and now he’s stuck in extended care. His son and I haven’t been able to find all his records yet. He left things in an awful mess, not that I’m blaming him—how was he to know he was going to fall and break his hip? And who wants to be spending their precious time with paperwork? Life’s too short for that. You need to be out there living it up enjoying things while you can. That’s my advice to you, Pips.”
    â€œOkay, Grandpa.” There’s some crackling and buzzing down the line between us. I can’t think of what else to say.
    â€œSome of Travis’s horses were imported from Europe,” says Grandpa. “I’ll keep looking through his files, how’s that?”
    â€œThanks, Grandpa.”
    â€œAnd take your time,” says Grandpa. “You don’t need to rush anything. Give the horse a chance. Give yourself a chance. Everything will be fine.”
    â€œErk,” I say.
    â€œYou okay, Pipsqueak?”
    â€œI have a headache. I think it’s from the growth hormone.”
    â€œWhat does the doctor say?”
    â€œI’m not scheduled to see the pediatrician for another two weeks. I could go see our family doctor, Dr. Destrie, but he would only say I have allergies. That’s all he ever says, even when Stephanie had Chlamydia.” Stephanie is my cousin