Love's Illusions: A Novel Read Online Free PDF

naked with some old man. What the fuck is happening? I can’t think anymore right now, I just have to sleep.
    I was so very tired. I had to either sleep or get stoned, and right now all I wanted was the welcome blackness of sleep – hopefully, dreamless sleep – long enough to stop my brain from exploding. With any luck Michael had left some of those wonderful little yellow pills with the v-shaped hole in the middle around the apartment somewhere. Fucking a drug dealer had some benefits – besides great sex that is – and right now the only benefit I wanted was to sleep. No tossing, no turning, just closing my eyes and going to sleep as quickly as possible. The Rolling Stones sure got this one right, I thought – “Mother’s Little Helper.” Valium, for me, meant dreamless sleep.
    I set the alarm so I would get up in time for work; made sure my blood red drapes were closed all the way, unplugged the phone and went to bed. I inhaled the faint scent of sex left from Michael and I a few hours earlier as I crawled down under the covers, and then – thank God for oblivion.

Chapter Four
The Canteen
    I found out Stephen had left the city one day when I went back to the apartment to get more clothes. The son-of-a-bitch left a note on the dining room table saying he was quitting school, and moving back home. I remember slumping down onto our black leather living room couch – a pang of terror coursing through my veins as I tried to absorb the full impact of his action. Oh my God… he was gone, really gone! Would he be back? What was happening here? Would he have left Chicago if I hadn’t gone to stay with Mary Beth? I questions swirled around in a virtual vortex until, not able to hold myself together any longer, I broke down and cried. Only six months, my marriage was gone after only six months – this wasn’t supposed to happen, it was supposed to be forever.
    I tried staying at our apartment by myself, but I couldn’t. It was a nice place, lots of character – in an older brick building with high ceilings and ornately carved crown moldings, a fantastic marble fireplace with an elaborate mantel. I wanted to stay, maybe find a roommate, someone to share the space with so I wouldn’t be alone – after all there was plenty of room: three bedrooms, two full bathrooms, a huge living room and dining room and the kitchen had a great pantry. Mary Beth and I had talked about her giving up her studio apartment and moving in with me. We could be roommates – we’d been best friends in high school, and it was during one of her visits to us during our first year at SAIC that she decided to transfer to Northwestern – but no, I could not stay there. Words from all our arguments seemed to pour out of the walls whenever I was there sending me into a fit of despair.
    So I took the first small one bedroom apartment I found and moved. It was in a newer building; the place had zero style, but I didn’t care. It was a light colored, four story brick building, with small square modern windows, and a flat roof – your basic box, built without character, and out of place with the older, architecturally interesting buildings in the area. A large wedge shaped protrusion jutted out over the front entrance proclaiming the address – and affirming the obvious – that this building may lack style, but it was modern. The only nice thing was no more walking up to the third floor – this place had an elevator and a laundry room in the basement so I wouldn’t have to cart my clothes down to the corner laundromat anymore either.
    This part of the city was up and coming. Old buildings were being torn down or renovated and new ones being constructed all over the area, and it was full of night life. Touhy had been a quiet, residential section of Chicago with plenty of older, long term families in the neighborhood. North Pine Grove, just off Diversey, was full of stores and bars, most of which had been there for years. However, as the area