seatbelt while I remained locked in mine, his whole body facing me, his long legs folding in the space in front of him, his eyes seeking my expression as he solemnly asked, “When did you know you loved me?”
A coil of unease was lodged in my throat, my heart started beating rapidly, and cold sweat filled my veins. “Xavier…”
“Answer me, Nales,” His look was unflinching, steady, yet uncompromising. “When?” Both of his hands were clasping mine tightly, and when his fingers rolled on the crease of my right hand’s middle finger, the wall I’d erected for so long bowed and started crashing down, the splinters leaving me breathless and I needed to get some air.
In quick, unfastidious motions, I pulled both of my hands from his grasp, unfastened my seatbelt and jumped out of the car.
I didn’t know where I was going, I just needed to be away from him. The assaulting memories were too much for me to bear.
Everything around me reminded me of him. Me. Us.
I couldn’t help the barrage of tears that soaked my face. I’d held them at bay for so long. Silently hoping and praying that if I could just hold on to them just a little longer, I would be okay. Okay in the sense that I could no longer feel, become numb to the array of emotions that warred inside of me.
My knees slowly gave out, and just before my shins hit the ground, strong hands scooped me up, and I was engulfed in the comfort he was giving me. He didn’t break his stride as he led us inside the house, towards the foyer, the space I had considered as mine when I moved in here.
“I’m here, Nales.” The ferocity in his assertion held no reluctance, no room for misgivings. “I’m always here.”
My chest kept shaking and I couldn’t stop the waterfall of tears that kept streaming down my face. It was suddenly all too much. I’d restrained my emotions for so long, masking them with indifference and anger that crying felt so foreign now.
His arms didn’t leave the cradle of strength, the bubble of protection he surrounded me with, and as long as I could, I held on to the solid, familiar chest, one I’d woken up to countless of times, and when I left, I couldn’t sleep for a month because I had missed him so much.
“December twenty-third, two days before Christmas…you were making me breakfast and when I came out of the bedroom, you looked at me and breakfast was forgotten. The fire department came because the smoke alarms went off and we didn’t do anything to silence them.” My speech was garbled between my crying, and blowing off the liquid that started to get stuck in my sinuses, but I trudged on, “It was the day I knew I loved you…”
Pressing a soft kiss to my forehead, he said, “I know.”
“Then why did you ask?” I said, his hands wiping at the wet mess I’d made of my face. I had looked like a demented dragon, but his stare was just the boost I needed to keep talking. “I’ve told you I loved you before. So many times.”
Bobbing his head, I noticed the faint trace of stubble beginning to form around his jaw. He was always clean shaven. He hated hair on his face.
Brushing the strays of hair that got stuck on my tear-stained face, he said, “You remember every date, Nales. The day you got your rocker Hello Kitty. When Precious Moments and Hello Kitty collaborated on a project, you have that day earmarked in your brain.” My fascination with Hello Kitty was worthy of a documentary. “The day you met Sedona, Tanya, everyone. If it means something to you, you know exactly when and where it happened.”
My body felt so tired I caved into his warmth. I leaned in towards his embrace, my cheek rested on his shoulder, the suit he was wearing would need dry cleaning asap because I’d totally ruined it with my makeup.
He spoke slowly, “When you said you didn’t love me anymore…”
I breathed in long and hard at his words because even I didn’t believe it when they came out of my mouth.
His chest pulled in for
Rebecca Hamilton, Conner Kressley