Love Rewards The Brave Read Online Free PDF Page B

something
    so
    typical.
     
    Margot asks Jess questions about
    Markus
    and why she likes him.
    Jess squirms a bit in her chair
    while I laugh
    knowing the truth behind the no-good answer.
    That it mostly starts with a booty
    and ends with a call.
     
    Just when I start to regret
    having Jess come over
    because I’m scared it’s going to be
    all about her
    and never about me
    (just thinking that way makes me feel gross)
    that’s when Margot stops
    and grabs a brush
    and she starts smoothing out
    my hair.
     
    I don’t know why
    the moment she
    pulls my hair up with her hands
    and starts brushing through
    the strands
    as we stand looking in the mirror
    at one another
    why it’s that moment
    that makes my
    heart
    feel
    seen?
     
    But it does.
     
    And by the time Margot dries her hair
    and Jess cuts her bangs
    a little crooked on purpose
    so that they look just right
    it’s like
    last night never happened
    and that
    these two
    have been a part of my life
    since
    day one.
     
     

49.
     
    Terry’s looking at me
    waiting for me
    to talk.
    I’ve been down this road with her
    for so many weeks.
    Her waiting for me to
    speak
    some truth about what
    made the visit end the way
    it did.
    Truth about why he
    fled.
    Everyone’s frustrated,
    confused.
    Terry’s telling me
    that Benji won’t say a word.
    I guess he won’t say what he
    heard
    from me.
    About Mom coming back
    for us.
    I want to tell Terry:
    I don’t know why it makes him mad
    she’s the only mom we ever had.
    That I don’t get why he’s so angry
    at everyone
    at everything.
    That yes, the apartment we
    spent our days in
    was ugly
    to say the least
    but I kept him safe from most of it.
    Kept him safe from the worst of it.
    That while the bad things happened
    in the other room
    he was in his bed
    looking at the moon.
    Falling
    asleep.
    But I don’t tell Terry that.
     
    “Louisa, we can’t help you when you keep the truth from us. That’s what I have been telling you for the past year.”
     
     

50.
     
    I look up at her,
    thinking that if she only knew.
    Knew what it was like to be in this chair,
    on this side of the
    room.
    Maybe then she’d be
    able
    to see that
    the idea
    of me opening up
    to her
    is as likely
    as me opening up myself to a
    guy.
    It
    ain’t
    ever
    gonna
    happen.
    Why don’t they teach that
    part in the
    classes she took
    to get the
    right
    to sit here
    asking me questions
    every Monday
    night?
     
    “Okay, Louisa, I see we aren’t getting anywhere with that. Why don’t you tell me about your Thanksgiving. I understand Ms. Francine’s sister came. How was that?”
     
    It was
    apple pie
    lotion at
    Bath & Body works
    for five days
    straight.
     
    It was
    a magazine
    spread
    white
    tablecloth
    name cards
    placed
    by each plate
    perfection.
     
    It was
    everything I
    ever wanted
    but
    have been
    too scared
    to admit.
     
    It was
    hands held around a table
    where we said
    grace
    and bowed
    our heads
    before
    we were
    fed.
     
    It was
    the kind
    of happy
    I
    heard
    about
    but never
    knew.
     
    I tell her, “It was fine.”
     
    The clock
    tick tock dings!
    Marking the end
    of our hour.
     
     

51.
     
    Ms. Francine’s been
    acting completely normal
    the same
    slow go
    not really saying no
    mostly okay with me
    being free
    to do what
    I please
    ever since the Thanksgiving visit
    ended
    INSANELY.
    I keep waiting for her
    to ask me about what
    happened
    why he left me
    stranded
    on the sidewalk all-alone.
     
    It’s like I
    want her to act the way
    she
    should .
    Push
    me so I have to
    pull
    away.
     
    I want her to
    force me
    to do what
    she wants.
     
    Instead she’s there
    after school
    always the same.
    Checking on homework
    asking about Jess
    careful not to press
    too hard
    about math
    or science.
    Respecting my
    silence.
     
    It’s times like these
    I wish someone would
    just
    shove me in a corner
    and tell me I have to
    say something
    or else!
     
    But these new people
    in my life?
    That’s not how they react.
    And so