Love Rewards The Brave Read Online Free PDF

opportunity.
    Possibility.
     
    “She’s fine and all, Lou-Lou, but we have to get out of here. The place I’m at–– you’ve been there. It sucks.”
     
    “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I saw mom the other day. She looked good. Better.”
     
    “So? Why are you telling me this?”
     
    His eyes go black,
    like he was expecting
    or hoping
    wishing
    or wanting
    me to say something
    different.
     
    “Benji, she’s getting her shit together. She’s going to get us back. We can be a family again.”
     
    “Did you tell her you wanted that?”
     
    “Well, yeah. I told her we both did.”
     
    Benji takes out a cigarette.
    Lights it up with a yellow flame.
    The air suddenly charged with
    blame.
     
    “Where did you get that? I thought Ms. F took them away?”
     
    Why is my baby boy,
    my little Benji Boy,
    acting so big and tough?
    Where’s my
    chubby
    fingers
    kiss
    me goodnight
    as I wipe his wet
    tear-stained
    cheeks lullaby
    boy?
     
    “You gonna start telling me what do, Lou-Lou? What’s your problem?”
     
    “I thought you’d be happy. Excited or something. What’s your problem?”
     
    He storms off
    cuts through the neighbor’s yard.
    Jumps over a fence
    and then I can’t trace
    him against
    the gray
    backdrop
    anymore.
    Calling out
    his name
    to the night sky
    makes no difference.
    He can’t hear anything
    over his decided
    ignorance
    to the fact
    I tried so hard
    to make him happy.
     
     

46.
     
    Ms. F is pissed.
    And rightfully so.
    It was on her watch that
    he ran
    away
    from me on the street
    away
    from her house
    and that means
    she’s the one
    deemed
    responsible for
    the paperwork and
    the phone calls.
    As the social worker
    and caseworker
    and who the hell
    knows what else kind of worker
    goes to find
    Benji.
     
    The evening
    becomes middle of the night
    becomes morning.
     

47.
     
    “So you really have no clue why he just up and left like that?”
     
    Margot asks as she cooks me breakfast.
    Ms. F left to take Benji’s
    bag of clothes
    to his new
    temporary home.
    Back to the place they took him
    after the cops found him at
    4:30 am
    on the side of the road
    after everyone spent the night
    stressed out
    put out
    bent out
    of shape
    because a twelve-year-old boy
    in the custody
    of the state
    is not the kind
    they want missing.
     
    “I don’t wanna talk about it okay?”
     
    And I don’t.
    I know I have an appointment
    with Terry on Monday
    and I know that will be bad enough.
    Relaying the facts of the
    conversation
    giving a good enough
    explanation.
     
    I wasn’t about to say
    anymore than I needed to.
     
    “Okay, we can talk about something else.” Margot shrugs, easily. “Do you think I should dye my hair black?”
     
    She smiles at me.
    I have no clue
    how to read this girl woman.
    I smile anyway.
     
    “It’d look cool. I mean, especially with your green eyes.”
     
    “I’m pretty sick of bleaching it out so much. Black seems easier.”
     
    “My friend, Jess, she’s super good at dying hair. She’s the one who does mine.”
     
    “Does she live nearby?” Margot asks with a sly grin.
     
    Like we’re doing something
    we shouldn’t.
    Committing a sin.
    But we all know
    coloring your hair
    is not what hell-bent girls are made of.
     
    At least not entirely.
     
     

48.
     
    By the time the color is bought
    and Jess comes over
    and a dripping wet Margot is
    laughing in the bathroom,
    Ms. F returns.
    She comes up with her phone
    and takes pictures
    of us as we strike
    our best
    glamour girl poses.
     
    We sit around waiting
    for the minutes to pass
    for the color to set.
    Jess becomes enamored
    by everything Margot.
    Like her job at the 6-Spot
    the only record
    store in town.
    Asking questions about her
    sleeve of tattoos.
    Jess showing off her own
    hoping to hear something
    new
    about how awesome it is
    and how she picked something cool
    for a girl so young.
    But Margot
    doesn’t do any of that.
    Margot is almost too
    cool
    to
    say