Love Hurts Read Online Free PDF Page A

against it, listening for Gregg. No sound came from the bedroom. She locked the door and turned the bathtub tap to full hot. She added only enough cold water to make it bearable.  
     
    Jilly dropped her nightgown on the floor and stepped into the water.
     
    Her skin shrank at the extreme heat, but she smiled, seeing her skin flush. She forced herself into the water and sat back against the cold porcelain. The extremes of temperature were all she could feel in that moment. She welcomed the pain.
     
    The roaring of the water drowned out any other sound as though she were the only one in the house. She wished, oh how she wished, she could go away. She both loved and hated Matthew and Gregg for the anchors they were to her present life. Jilly tried to push the guilt away, but it kept near like an old friend who often came to call. She’d gotten used to it, but that didn’t mean she liked it. Mamma had taught her early how to put guilt on like a coat. Mamma had been so good at it that she’d created one Jilly-sized.
     
    Jilly pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes at the memory of Mamma’s painting as though she could keep the images from seeping into her mind. They were too persistent. Mamma’s memory came on too strong for Jilly to keep at bay. Why did she paint us? She’s never done it before. Only those landscapes with that fucking little face. Why?
     
    Tears leaked out from beneath her hands and dropped into the water, but she didn’t make a sound. She couldn’t, or Gregg would come and ask questions she couldn’t answer. She’d never told him about her mother or her past. What kind of a person does that make me?  
     
    The razor sat on the edge of the tub, enticing her. Jilly peeked at it between her fingers. Am I really that weak? She dropped her hands into the water. I’m done with all that. I have to be!
     
    At a sharp pain, she looked down at her fingernail digging into the old scars. The ones she’d explained away to Gregg as having accidentally fallen through a window when she was ten. She didn’t know if he believed her, but he didn’t question it.
     
    The pain. Like a living, breathing thing inside of her. It coiled around her heart and squeezed until she feared her heart wouldn’t be able to keep beating against the pressure. Jilly struggled against the old patterns. She didn’t want to cope that way anymore. She’d grown up. Only sad teenagers with dark eyeliner and multiple piercings cut themselves. Didn’t they? She looked down. Her fingers had found the razor without even knowing it.
     
    Jilly held it close, like a friend, one who knew all her secrets and never betrayed her. She ran her finger across the sharp edge, jumping at the sting in the tip of her ring finger. A drop of blood welled up and she smiled. She watched as it pooled and then mixed with the water and ran in a bright stream down her finger only to collect around the band of her wedding ring. Gregg. Matty.
     
    “No!” Jilly hissed and threw the razor. Droplets of blood dotted the white wall of the tub. The razor bounced off the wall and fell into the water, sinking to the bottom. Her friend had betrayed her after all. Jilly didn’t want to continue the relationship, but it wouldn’t let her go. The water level had risen to nearly overflowing. She pushed the tap closed with her foot and leaned her head back against the wall.
     
    I hate her. I hate me.
     
    “Jilly, hon?”
     
    Gregg. He would never leave her alone to wallow.
     
    “You okay?”
     
    Jilly hated that question more than any other. No! I’m not okay, I never was. “I’m fine, just having a bath. Is Matty up yet?”
     
    “No. I’m going to get his breakfast ready and then wake him.”  
     
    She couldn’t miss the relief in his voice. I fucking hate being so fragile.
     
    “Okay, I’ll be out soon,” Jilly said, amazed at the normal sound of her own voice.
     
    Gregg’s soft steps moved away from the door. At the searing pain in