Love and Respect Read Online Free PDF

TWO

TO COMMUNICATE,
DECIPHER THE CODE
    I f husbands and wives are to understand the Love and Respect Connection, they must realize that they communicate in code. And the problem is, they don’t know how to decipher the messages they send to one another.
    A couple was about to celebrate their tenth wedding anniversary, and the wife began to wonder if her husband would remember. There had been plenty of times during the past decade when he had forgotten their anniversary altogether. No matter what she did—little hints, bigger hints—he would miss it. But on their tenth wedding anniversary, with no hints at all, he remembers! He makes a beeline for Hallmark and is soon gazing upon all those racks full of greeting cards. One colorful card quickly catches his eye. He skims the words—they are perfect! He thinks, This card is her —no doubt about it . He grabs it off the shelf, pays the clerk, and hurries home rejoicing. Finally, he has remembered their anniversary, and a special one it will be too.
    She is there when he arrives at home, so he sneaks the card into another room, signs it, and quickly writes her name on the envelope. He even adds a couple of tiny hearts over her name as an extra touch. Then he comes out and hands his wife her tenth anniversary card. She beams from ear to ear. She is so happy—finally he has remembered! She tears open the card and begins to read . . . and then her face falls. The eyes that had been bright with loving energy turn cold. Her beaming countenance becomes sour and dark.
    “What’s wrong?” her husband asks. (He’s a very sensitive guy, and he can pick up on these things.)
    “Nothing.”
    “There is, too. What’s wrong?”
    “No, there’s nothing wrong.”
    “But there is—I can see it. What is it?”
    “Well, it’s not bad . . . for a birthday card.”
    As you might guess, the conversation is headed downhill from here. “You’re kidding!” says the husband, grabbing the card from her hand. “No way . . . unbelievable!”
    “No, you’re unbelievable!”
    The husband blinks in the face of his wife’s very real anger. He knows he is full of goodwill. He has remembered their tenth anniversary. He has bought her a present as well as a card. “Well, honey, I made an honest mistake. Give me a break.”
    “Give you a break? An honest mistake—oh, it was an honest mistake, all right, because you just don’t care. Do you know what? If you took your car in to be detailed and they put a stripe on the side that was even a fraction of an inch off, you would notice that, right? Why? Because you care about it. But you don’t care about our anniversary. You don’t care about me !”
    The husband can’t believe it. He is moving from feeling guilty to getting angry. What he thought would be a loving celebration of their tenth anniversary has become a conflict that is escalating fast.
    “Hey, I made an honest mistake, all right? Give me a break. Good grief !”
    “You buy me a birthday card on our tenth anniversary, and you expect me not to be upset? I’d rather you hadn’t bought me any card at all!”
    The husband has been on the defensive, but now his pulse rate is up. He has tried to do the loving thing, and all his wife can do is say nasty things.
    “You know what? The way you’re talking I’m glad I got you a birthday card for your anniversary!” And with that brilliant parting shot, he storms out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Approximately two minutes have passed since he handed her the card. This couple, a husband and wife who truly love each other, have come home expecting to spend a wonderful, romantic evening together. Instead, they end up stomping to opposite ends of the house, staring out the windows into the darkness, wondering how it had ever come to this, and thinking, This is crazy!
    When counseling couples, I often ask, “What causes fights and quarrels among you?”(James 4:1 NIV).
    This story is based on an actual incident, and I have