Love and Lists (Chocoholics) Read Online Free PDF Page B

girlfriend,” I remind them.
    “I got your back, bro. I’ve got the perfect woman for you,” Tyler tells me.
    “You don’t know any women. You only know hookers. You are not setting my son up on a fake date with a hooker.” Mom glares at him and practically growls.
    “Hey, that was one time and it was an honest mistake. She was right outside the bar asking people if they wanted to go on a date. Who turns down an offer like that?” Tyler asks.
    “Someone who doesn’t want to get VD,” Mom tells him.
    “I had Chlamydia once. It wasn’t so bad. Antibiotics cleared it right up,” Jenny says, still standing by the counter with her arms up in the air.
    “Tyler, I am trusting you to find my son a nice girl that you DO NOT have to pay.”
    Tyler salutes her and then rests his hand over his heart.
    “Your wish is my command, my beauty. Is there anything else I can do for you on this fine evening?”
    Mom rubs her temples with her fingers and starts muttering under her breath about cyanide tablets and firing squads while Aunt Liz and Tyler discuss the girl he’s going to hook me up with tomorrow night.
    I was really looking forward to a night out with my friends, even if I have to suffer through more hours of watching Charlotte with Rocco―her flamboyantly annoying boyfriend. Now, I’m pretty sure I should just plan on leaving the country and changing my name. It would be less trouble.
    “Meet me outside by your car in fifteen minutes. I’ll slip you the condoms when your mom isn’t looking,” Aunt Jenny whispers in my ear. “Just make sure you don’t use them with apple butter and grapeseed oil. It sounds like a good idea, but it’s not. Trust me.”

 
     
    “Can you get me the notes from last week’s interactive design meeting? Also, book the conference room on the sixth floor for tomorrow morning at nine. We have those fifteen product testers coming in to give their opinions on the orange dreamsicle flavored massage lotion,” I distractedly tell Ava as I sort through my emails.
    Ava is Charlotte’s sister and a year younger than her. Liz decided that her daughter should do something other than get spray tans and take naps on her summer break from school so she made her take an internship at Seduction and Snacks and work as my assistant. Charlotte and Ava share physical attributes. Just like Charlotte, Ava is slender with long dark hair, but that’s where the similarities end. Where Charlotte is sweet, funny, thoughtful, and amazing, Ava is … not. She’s pretty much just a bitch. Charlotte and I used to argue a lot when we were younger, but Ava and I would get into all-out brawls. Punches were thrown, things were lit on fire … it was anarchy.
    I look up after a few minutes when she hasn’t answered me and see her standing there pressing buttons on her iPad, concentrating furiously.
    “Ava, did you hear me?”
    She sighs in annoyance but still doesn’t look up from the screen. “Yes, I heard you. Book the fifteenth floor and make notes about massages.”
    Ava is the worst assistant on the face of the earth. And I can’t even say she means well because she doesn’t. She couldn’t care less about this job.
    “Ava, you have an iPad in your hand for notes. Did you even type anything I said?” I ask her in annoyance.
    I don’t have time for this crap. I have a ton of work to do and an illness to fake before seven o’clock tonight.
    “Oh my GOD this is so hard. I just can’t do this,” Ava whines and stomps her foot just like her sister. Except when Charlotte does it, I don’t want to hurl myself across my desk and strangle her.
    “It’s okay, I know it’s a lot to take in at once. Just take good notes and you’ll be fine,” I reassure her.
    “Uuuughhhh! I don’t understand how anyone passes level thirty-five of Candy Crush,” she complains, still tapping away at her iPad.
    I don’t even bother replying to her. I just lean forward and bang my head against the top of my