Love and Lists (Chocoholics) Read Online Free PDF

feminine side.”
    Tyler snorts and Charlotte shoots an angry look in his direction.
    “Honey, he doesn’t have a feminine side. He has a vagina,” Aunt Liz informs her.
    Before Charlotte can go completely ape shit on her mother, a loud banging sound comes from the living room followed by a bunch of cursing. A few seconds later, Aunt Jenny walks in with a scowl on her face.
    “You really need to get that French door to the backyard fixed, Liz. All the humility has made it stick and it doesn’t open very easily.”
    “Ahhhh yes, the humility in the air. We’ve humbled the door into not opening for people,” Aunt Liz replies.
    “I’m going to bed. Gavin, don’t forget we’re all going out tomorrow night. Make sure to invite this new girlfriend of yours so I can meet her,” Charlotte says as she walks behind me and pats me on the shoulder before she leaves the room.
    I hold my breath until I hear the click of her heels taper off down the hallway and the door to her bedroom close.
    Turning around in my seat, I smack Tyler in the arm once again.
    “Owww! What the fuck was that for?!”
    “Girlfriend? Supermodel hot? Bendy?” I whisper through clenched teeth.
    “The bendy part was a bit overkill, but it totally worked. She was insanely jealous,” Aunt Liz says with a nod of her head.
    She wasn’t jealous. We’re friends. Best friends. She’s irritated because she found out about it from Tyler in a room full of people instead of directly from me. When she started dating Rocco, she sat me down and told me, just like a good friend does. I should have taken her aside alone and told her about my girlfriend.
    Oh my God, what the fuck am I saying? I don’t have a girlfriend!
    “Gavin, you have a girlfriend?! Oh my gosh that’s so exciting! I have condoms in my purse if you need them. They’re the kind with insecticide so they totally work,” Aunt Jenny tells me.
    “ Spermicide , Jenny. Spermicide. Sweet Jesus,” Aunt Liz complains.
    “Gavin’s cock has roaches, pass it on!” Tyler laughs.
    “It’s all fun and games until you assholes start talking about my son having sex. Gavin doesn’t need condoms,” Mom informs everyone.
    “Are you ready to be Nana Claire right now? Because I’m too young and pretty to be Gammy Liz. If he’s going to be having sex with my daughter, he will damn well wrap his shit up!” Aunt Liz yells. “Jenny, give him your condoms.”
    Aunt Jenny starts to walk over to the counter where her purse sits but stops when my mom speaks.
    “Jenny, you take one more step in that direction and I will rip out your ovaries,” Mom threatens.
    Aunt Jenny freezes again and holds her hands up in the air like she’s under arrest.
    “Throwing away all of the condoms you found in his top dresser drawer didn’t stop him from having sex with Shelly Collins in the twelfth grade. Quit being a twat and let him have the damn condoms,” Aunt Liz adds with a roll of her eyes.
    You know, sometimes I think I’d like it better if my mom had absolutely no friends at all. Especially friends that she tells everything to and that also happens to be the mother of the woman I’m in love with. Talking about my one and only sexual encounter on prom night that only happened because I found out Charlotte lost her virginity the week before to the bass player in my band obviously wasn’t my finest hour. And the fact that my mom and Aunt Liz have already picked out their grandparent names is disturbing. Gammy Liz???
    “We are never to speak again of my son having sex. EVER!” Mom warns.
    “Thank you,” I mutter gratefully with a sigh.
    “Instead, we should be talking about what his girlfriend will be wearing tomorrow night,” she states.
    Oh my God.
    “Make sure she wears something totally slutty,” Aunt Liz tells me.
    “And make sure you watch Charlotte out of the corner of your eye so you can see the look on her face,” Mom adds.
    “Um, are we forgetting something here? I don’t have a