Louise Rennison_Georgia Nicolson 08
cloakroom sherelented a bit. “Well, I did talk to Tom in a casual way, even though you said I couldn’t.”
    â€œJas, Jas, I knew you could do casualosity big time, don’t forget I have seen you in your nighttime panties, relaxing and at play.”
    As the bell rang for Assembly I could see the Hitler Youth (prefects) approaching, keen to do a bit of poncing around like prats.
    I said, “Please, pleasey please tell me what Tom said.”
    â€œWell he said…”
    â€œYes, yes.”
    â€œWell he said…he didn’t know anything.”
    â€œPardon?”
    â€œRobbie is having a break from farming in Kiwi-a-gogo, but he doesn’t know how long he is staying.”
    Is that Detective Inspector Jas of Scotland Yard’s idea of finding out stuff?
    I wanted to kick her in the shins, but just in the knickers of time I remembered that she is my best pally and I gave her my “interested” smile.
    Jas was starting to say, “Yes, so I don’t really know if he likes you or not,” when Wet Lindsay slimed up alongside me with Astonishingly DimMonica as sidekick slug and weed.
    Wet Lindsay’s hair extensions have been redone, how vair vair chav and naff she is. Having longer hair only draws attention to her lack of forehead and general octopus tendencies.
    I forced myself to look at Wet Lindsay’s forehead as if Jas had told me a good joke about it and laugh merrily. Wet Lindsay said to me, “What have you got to laugh about, Nicolson? Have you caught sight of yourself in a mirror?”
    Oh my aching sides!!! How I laughed. Not. Astonishingly Dim Monica did, though, sniggering and snorting like a fool on fool tablets. I just said, “How very natural your hair looks, Lindsay. It really suits you and brings out all your best features, especially your knees.”
    She went a bit red round the earlobes and said, “Prat.”
    Charming. Absolutely charming. I said to Jas as we went into the hall, “Charming, utterly utterly charming. Who wouldn’t want to go out with her?”
    ace gang headquarters
break
    Rosie blew a bubble-gum bubble that exploded allover her nose. Very amusing. She had a big blob hanging off her nose like a huge bogey.
    She said, “Look how it dangles about. I bet I can swing it round and round in time to some music. Like a snot disco. You lot sing something jolly and I’ll improvise on bogey work.”
    five minutes later
    I think despite being slightly singed in the oven of luuurve, I may be going to die of laughing. The snot disco dance is officially born. Danced to the tune of EastEnders , it is, “Swing your snot to the left, swing to the right. Full turn, shoulder shrugging, now nod to the front, dangle dangle, hands on shoulders and kick kick to the right, dangle dangle, kick kick to the left, dangle dangle and then full snot around and shimmy to the ground.”
    Excellent in every way.
    As we strolled back for an action-packed morning of being bored and depressed I said to the gang, “I bet we could have the snot coming out of our nostrils all during German and Herr Kamyer wouldn’t notice. Or if he does, we could pretend we have really bad colds. Hand over the bubble gum, girls, and get chewing!”
    german
    It was a triumph, darling, a triumph!!! We were all translating from our textbooks—what larks! The Koch family were off on another camping trip, taking an enormous amount of food with them, as usual. In our books there are hilariously bad illustrations of the Koch family, drawn by a blind person. Mrs. Koch looks vair like Herr Kamyer in a frock. I never get tired of the Kochs. In fact, I am thinking of writing to the author of the textbook (A. Schmidt, no, I’m not joking), and asking where the Kochs live. I want to write a letter to them, thanking them for the endless hours of fun they have given us all.
    I put up my hand to ask a pressing Koch question. When Herr Kamyer
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