Louise Rennison_Georgia Nicolson 05 Read Online Free PDF Page B

Robin Reliant. You know, one of those really really sad cars that only the very mad buy? It has got three wheels. It is a three-wheeled car. I said to Vati, “Why?”
    He was all preened up and Dadish.
    â€œIt’s an antique.”
    I tried logic with him. “Vati, sometimes antiques are interesting—the crown jewels, for instance, they interest me—but this is just a really old crap car that only has three wheels.”
    He was polishing it. It’s red and it has a racing strip.
    Vati said, “Hop in and I’ll take you for a spin.”
    As if.
    Dad started rustling around in the boot and shouted to Mum, “Connie, come on, I’ll take you and Libby for a ride in the Sexmobile.”
    He is so ludicrously pleased with himself.
    And Mutti was as bad. All dillydollyish and also she had a tiny skirt on. At least she had on a skirt, though, unlike Libby, who was in the nuddy-pants.
    8:00 p.m.
    In the end they all went off, including Angus, who I actually thought was driving the car at first. He had his paws on the steering wheel and was looking straight ahead. Even though I am on the rack of love, it did make me laugh. Then Vati’s head popped up. Not content with the humiliatorosity of the Robin Reliant clown car, Vati also bought a Second World War flying helmet and goggles.
    As they drove off, he wound down the window and shouted, “Chocks away!!!”
    What does Mutti see in him? He must have been like this when she met him. Which means, in essence, that she likes porky blokes with badgers on their chins who are clearly mental.
    At this rate I am going to spend the rest of my life with them, so I should get used to it, I suppose.
    8:05 p.m.
    I can’t.
    I would rather plunge my head into a basket of whelks.
    8:10 p.m.
    What is it with boys?
    I may do some research on them for my part in MacUseless or The Och Aye Play .
    I may as well, as my so-called mates can’t be bothered to ring me.
    8:30 p.m.
    Phone rang.
    If it’s Dave the Laugh, I am going to give him the full force of my glaciosity. I hate boys.
    It was Rosie.
    â€œGee?”
    â€œOh hi, I’m glad you rang because I am sooo—”
    â€œDid you hear about the dog who went into a pub and said to the barman, ‘Can I have a pint and a bag of crisps please?’”
    â€œRosie, I don’t—”
    â€œThe barman said, ‘Blimey, that’s brilliant. There’s a circus in town. You should go and get a job.’”
    â€œRosie, I have—”
    â€œAnd the dog said, ‘Why? Do they need electricians?’”
    And she slammed down the phone.
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    I am seriously worried about her dwindling sanity.I’d just got back upstairs to my bed of pain when the phone rang again. Why can’t we have a portable fandango thing, or alternatively, a servant called Juan who answers it?
    Is it so much to ask?
    This time it was Ellen.
    â€œGeorgia, it’s me, I was, you know…for the party. Well, do you…think I…well, if you were me, would you or would you just kind of, you know…or not?”
    What in the name of Hitler’s panties and matching bra set is she on about?
    â€œEllen, how can I put this? What in the name of arse are you talking about?”
    â€œDave the Laugh, should I, you know, well, would you?”
    Oh marvelous, I have to be Wise Woman of the Forest for my mates. Also it reminded me that if Ellen found out about the Dave the Laugh snogging scenarios, there might well be fisticuffs at dawn.
    Still, I am not God and also I am very very busy with my own problems. My lurking lurker has to be dealt with before it makes a surprise appearance. Not that I will ever be going out again anyway; my lurker could grow to the size of my head if itwanted to. Erlack, now I feel sick.
    Ellen was rambling on and on about Dave the Laugh and how to entice him and so on. In the end, in sheer desperadoes I said, “Look, do you know why Dave