Louise Rennison_Georgia Nicolson 04 Read Online Free PDF Page A

And had a wheelchair.

school panto fiasco
    (a.k.a. complete prats in tights)
    tuesday november 23rd
    breakfast
    Dad was singing, “Sex bomb, sex bomb, I’m a sex bomb,” and doing hip thrusts round the kitchen. He’ll end up in casualty again if he’s not careful. He was being all interested in me as well. Red alert, red alert!
    He gave me a hug (!) and said, “I thought we’d all go to the cinema tonight. My treat.”
    I said, “Fantastic!” He thought I meant it and went off happily to flood people’s homes or whatever it is he does at the Water Board.
    I said to Mum, who was trying to get all the porridge out of Libby’s hair before she went off to kindergarten, “Mum, I can’t go to the cinema tonight, I…I’ve got to stay behind and help with…the school panto.”
    She didn’t even look up. “I didn’t know you were in it.”
    â€œI’m not, I’m just, er, helping backstage. ’Bye, Mutti. ’Byeeee, Bibbet.”
    â€œâ€™Bye-bye, Gingey, kiss Mr. Cheese bye-bye.”
    It was disgusting kissing Mr. Cheese. (Mr. Cheese is a bit of old Edam in a hat.) Not as disgusting as it will be at the end of the day when Libby brings him home again from playschool. With a bit of luck Mr. Cheese will be eaten by one of Libby’s little pals.
    I had a look at my pocket mirror as I walked round to Jas’s place. Eight out of ten on the hair bounceability front. I am sooo excited. I love the Sex God and it will be beyond fabulosity and into the Valley of Marv when we go on tour to America. I think I could easily write song lyrics myself.
    I said that to Jas as we walked to school. “Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, this one is called ‘Sex God’ and it goes like this: ‘Oh, Robbie, you’re the one for me, with your dark blue eyes and your…’”
    I had a bit of writer’s block then and I said to Jas, “What rhymes with ‘me’?”
    â€œWhat about ‘two-timer’? Or ‘crap mate’?”
    â€œJas, don’t start again…oh hang on, I know: ‘You’re the one for me, with your dark blue eyesand your…snogability!!!’ I am clearly a genius.”
    I put my arm round Jas in my happinosity and said, “You can show me your love bite when we get to Stalag 14.”
    She went a bit red and said, “OK, but don’t tell anyone else about it.” Which is ironic coming from Radio Jas.
    assembly
    Slim really on tip-top boring form this morning.
    She bored us beyond the Valley of the Dim and into the twilight world of the Elderly Mad.
    Speaking of which, we saw Elvis Attwood tapping at pipes with his hammer as we went out.
    I said to him, “I think you should receive a knighthood, Mr. Attwood, for your services to caretaking. Surely you of all people deserve to be hit over the shoulders with an old sword.”
    10:00 a.m.
    What IS it with this place???!!! Rosie and I have got bad conduct marks AND have to stay behind and help with Peter Pan every night this week after school. I cannot believe it! Just because we havenaturally high spirits and joie de vivre . (And also got caught doing our “Let’s go down the disco” dance to “There Is a Green Hill Far Away” in Assembly.)
    It is so obviously hilarious. And not at all “indicative of stupendous childishness,” as Hawkeye said.
    10:30 a.m.
    Perhaps I am Spawn of the Devil in a skirt and have the third eye. No, I mean the second whatsit…sight. Because I told Mum that I was staying behind to help with Peter Pan , even though I wasn’t, and now I am. I may have special powers.
    11:00 a.m.
    No, I haven’t got special powers. I tried for about a million years to make the wall clock fall onto Hawkeye’s head, but it just gave me a very bad headache.
    in the loos
    I said to Jas, “For once in the entire existence of humankind my hair has got