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kiss at the Bollywood party at Leela’s. He said he’d liked me then but didn’t want to mess me around, partly because he didn’t want to be a rat, partly because he didn’t want to hurt me and partly because his mum and my aunt Sarah were best mates and he didn’t want to have them on his case.
    I decided to be brave. ‘So . . . how does all that relate to us?’
    Joe flinched. I immediately regretted asking him because I know that boys hate to be confronted about their feelings. Even my mum jokes that the four words my dad hates the most are, ‘We need to talk’.
    ‘Look, India Jane . . .’ he started. I felt my heart sink further. ‘There is no us.’ He must have seen my face fall. I’ve never been good at keeping my feelings hidden. ‘Look, I really do like you, just. . . I’ve told you before. I don’t want to commit at the moment. It’s not you . . .’
    ‘Yeah, it’s not you, it’s me. Nothing personal. You just want to be friends.’
    Joe sighed heavily. He and Zahrah would make a great pair, I thought. They seem to speak the same language. ‘Look. I see relationships as being like a train, you get one compartment at a time – not the whole lot straight off, it has to build.’
    ‘So let’s let it build then,’ I said and smiled as if to say I could be light and casual. ‘Let’s play builders. You can be Bob the Builder.’
    Joe half smiled. ‘Too late for that.’
    ‘Why?’ I asked and immediately regretted it. Shut up now India, I thought. You’re beginning to sound desperate.
    ‘Just, well. . . remember I said about not committing? Well we haven’t, have we? I mean, we’re not a we, are we?’
    ‘No. ’Course not.’
    ‘Good,’ he said, ‘because I don’t want you to think that I’ve let you down, but I’ve got to tell you this. I . . . I . . . I’ve started hanging out with someone. I’ve known her for a while so it’s not new really. Nothing serious. I met her last year and . . . well . . . see, she has the same attitude to relationships as me, that it’s, er . . . for fun. I was going to tell you, India, honestly I was, because I know, least I kind of know, that you were hoping that something was going to happen with us and, as I said, I don’t want to start something then let you down. And it’s important to me that you hear it from me after what happened with Mia. I didn’t want that to happen again.’
    I felt like he’d stuck a knife in my heart. ‘That’s big of you,’ I said and immediately regretted it because I knew that I sounded bitter. When I started school after I’d met Joe in Greece, I found out a small fact that he’d forgotten to tell me – and that was that he had a girlfriend called Mia.
    ‘I just want things to be clear between us and I want us to be—’
    ‘Friends,’ I finished for him.
    Joe looked around the café as if he’d rather be anywhere but there. ‘You know that I rate you, India Jane. I think you’re a great girl just... I don’t feel comfortable dating someone so close to home in case things don’t work out and you got hurt.’
    ‘Yeah, you said. But what if I’d dumped you first?’
    ‘I’d say that I probably asked for it,’ said Joe. ‘You deserve someone who doesn’t mess you around.’
    ‘I don’t see why you can’t be that person.’
    Joe smiled sadly and reached out and put his hand over mine. ‘Maybe later. When we’re away from ... oh you know.’
    I pulled my hand out from under his and got up. ‘I was only kidding,’ I said. ‘Don’t worry about me. I only wanted to see if you could be there for the scenery team while I’m away really, to get the designs in motion, so that’s cool. I didn’t mean the other stuff about us. As you say, there is no us. I was just messing about. Teasing.’
    Yeah. ’Course. Cool,’ said Joe.
    Yeah,’ I said.
    We both knew I was lying. When I left the café, I felt tears prick the back of my eyes. I hate boys, I thought as I stomped back out into the