Living a Lie Read Online Free PDF Page A

hurt him to see her so unhappy.
    “Kitty, I want you to know I’m here, if you ever want me.”
    She was more grateful than she could say.
    “I know that.”
    Bob Marsh was sprawled out, his long legs dangling over the arm of the settee and his hand still clutching the empty whisky bottle. He had drunk himself into a stupor.
    “Dad!” Kitty tried to wake him.
    “Dad, I’m going to bed now.” Though she had too often witnessed the violence in him, she had never before seen her father like this.
    She shook him, yelled at him, even put a cold wet cloth over his forehead. He stirred and murmured Lucinda’s name.
    Realising she would not wake him, and subdued by the sound of her mother’s name on his lips, Kitty locked all the doors and went upstairs. Here she had a long lazy bath. Afterwards she put on a clean nightie, brushed her long black hair and slid into bed. For a long time, she couldn’t sleep. The room was dark, but through the open curtains she could see the night sky; it was incredibly beautiful, a vast expanse of black velvet streaked with starlight. She wondered if her mother was up there, watching her. The idea both excited and terrified her.
    Restless now, her frantic thoughts recalled what her mother had said:
    “Stay close … don’t run away.” It seemed inconceivable to Kitty that her own mother had wanted to kill her.
    “Why didn’t you stay with me?”
    she asked the darkness.
    “We could have run away together… found somewhere to live, just the two of us.” Her words echoed in the silence. A moment passed, before she heard the sound of soft laughter;
    for one leaping heartbeat she thought it was her mother laughing.
    Going to the window, she saw a young couple strolling down the street arm in arm. They were meandering from side to side as he bent his head to kiss her full on the mouth. Kitty was fascinated, the sparkle in her dark eyes shaming the stars above.
    “When I grow up I want a man who will love me like that,” she murmured dreamily. She thought about what her aunt had said: ‘find a man who is gentle’. ‘stick with him through thick and thin’. The words were on her lips.
    When she went to sleep they echoed in her mind, etched there like a blueprint for the future.
    Somehow, amidst all the confusion, Kitty had found a purpose in life.
    Aunt Mildred had promised there were such men men who could be gentle, men who would love and protect her. It was small consolation for what she had lost, but it brought her comfort.
    In her dreams she was suffocating, lost in a swirl of dark fog, her lungs hot and burning. Asleep, she fought against it. She opened her eyes but couldn’t see.
    “DADDY!”
    The fog tasted sour, forcing itself into her mouth, her body. While her senses weakened, her desperate screams grew louder: “DADDY,
    HELP ME!
     
    “
     
    Suddenly he was there.
    “Don’t be afraid,” he told her softly.
    “Hold on to me.” Echoes of her mother’s voice haunted her.
    “You mustn’t run away… keep hold of my hand.” She was afraid he meant to hurt her too, but she couldn’t fight him, she couldn’t breathe, “Please don’t kill me, Daddy!” Her eyes closed and she was at his mercy.
    Kitty woke to a worse nightmare. When the cool night air revived her, she saw what her father had done. People came from everywhere to look.
    “He must have been crazy with grief,” they said.
    Linda Jenkins took Kitty in her arms and together they stood in disbelief, watching as the house burned. Flames leapt high into the air, while the awful sound of crackling and the smell of burning hung over everything and everyone. In the distance the wails of sirens splintered the night air as rescue vehicles raced to the scene.
    Spectators stepped aside to make way.
    Suddenly a cry went up.
    “For God’s sake! Marsh is still inside!”
    Kitty raised her gaze to an upstairs window. When she saw that tall familiar figure silhouetted in the firelight, she screamed out: