bullshit,” he said, “but the truth is we all just animals. I don’t mean just the fools in here. I mean you, them”—he pointed toward Andres and Victor—“all of us. We dress nice and we learn shit, what fork to use, whatever. But we all just animals. And we at our best and our worst when we drop all the rules and live like what we are.”
“Isn’tdropping all the rules what put you here?”
“No, man. Living by the rules is what put me here. I was trying to do what was expected of me. But I was wrong. Sex, hunger, fear, love. Those are our instincts. Everything we do, good or bad, comes from that. I learned that you want to survive, you got to forget the rules and go with your gut.” He punched his stomach hard enough that I heard a light thud, though he didn’t seem to react. “You ever go with your gut, Kate?”
I ignored the question. “Doesn’t that philosophy get you in trouble in a place like this?”
He gave me a half smile. “This place is a fuckin’ lab experiment of animal behavior.”
“So sex, hunger, love, fear…what do you do to satisfy those instincts?”
He laughed, a strong, deep laugh. “I see where you goin’ with that. But I don’t go that way. Men, I mean. Nothing against it. A dude has to survive any way he can. But it’s not my way.”
“What about hunger? Love? Fear? Are you into any of that?”
“I’m into all of it. I’m an animal, just like you.”
Brick’s intensity was starting to scare me, so good television or not, I looked for a change of subject. “You must like to read if you’ve found Francis Bacon,” I said.
“Shit yeah. I read everything.”
“Like?”
“Sun Tsu’s
Art of War
.
Ulysses
. Dr. Seuss. I read everything I can get my hands on.”
“So if I brought you some books…”
“You bribing me to get a good interview?”
“Will it work?”
He held his hands up in mock surrender. “I’m defenseless to the charms of a beautiful woman.” He leaned forward. As he did, the guard moved slightly closer, but Brick waved him back. “Can I give you a list?” Brick asked. “I’m really trying to get my hands on a few things we ain’t got in the prison library.”
I smiled. I could feel myself relaxing, the tightness in my chestlifting. Whenever I sat in the darkness, with the slight hum of the camera in my ear and an interview subject who needed me to like him, I felt better. I felt in control.
“Tell me what you want,” I said, “and I’ll get it for you.”
Brick leaned back. “Man, it’s been a long time since someone said that to me.”
Seven
Y ou get anything useful from that asshole?” Andres slammed the door on the van after the last of the equipment was inside.
“I thought he was great,” I said. “All that stuff about his early days in the gang and how we have to live by our instincts…I think that will help explain who he is.”
“I thought he was supposed to talk about life in prison.” Victor was standing back, out of Andres’s way, since Andres’s mood hadn’t improved while we were shooting.
“He will,” I said. “We have a few more shoot days with him.”
“And he can always call you for a late-night chat,” Victor said.
“I have to give them a number, just in case. You know that.”
“Don’t answer the phone if you’re alone,” Andres said. “You want someone with you in case he says anything.”
“Andres, I’m a big girl. Besides, it’s a throwaway.”
Most producers use temporary pay-as-you-go cell phones for shoots that involve gang members, mobsters, and inmates—pretty much anyone you wouldn’t want to show up on your doorstep unannounced. It’s comforting to know once the shoot has ended, you can toss the phone and lose touch completely.
“When do we see this guy again?” Andres asked.
“Next week,” I said. “And hopefully the other guy will recover from whatever his problem was.”
After the interview with Brick, Joanie had come in to tell us that Tim
Rebecca Hamilton, Conner Kressley