Life on Mars Read Online Free PDF Page B

true. What were Tripp and Priya—chopped liver? Also? My name is not Armpit. Just reminding everyone.
    â€œNow, Cassiopeia,” Mom said, which got Cassi bellowing.
    â€œYou called me that name again! I can’t believe after you said you would stop calling me that …”
    And Vega started yelling at the Bacteria about how horrible her life was in fifth grade without a phone, and the Bacteria nodded with big eyes and just kept saying, “Totes,” his one-syllable way of saying “totally.” And Mom was apologizing, which was doing no good because when Cassi started really wailing, Comet began howling right along with her, the same way he sometimes did when a fire truck drove down the street.
    And me? I watched, wishing I had some popcorn for this special family bonding moment and considered running into the kitchen real quick to pop a bag.
    Until right in the middle of it all, Dad gave his hair tufts one mighty yank with both fists and yelled out,
“We’re moving! The job is in Las Vegas!”
    And just like that, everyone fell totally silent.

5

The Big Scream Theory

    Vega was the first, but definitely not the loudest, to freak out.
    It went like this: Shouting, shouting, shouting about cell phones and stuff. Then Dad hollering that we were moving to Vegas. Then total silence, during which time Comet figured it would be a good idea to stop howling and instead loudly lick his foot. And we all looked at each other in slow motion—
tick, tick, tick
. And then …
    KABOOM!
Big Bang number two, the Chambers Family Phenomenon, wherein a giant explosion occurred right in my living room.
    â€œWhat?
Vegas?
No way! You can’t do this to us, Daddy!” Vega cried, and buried her face in the Bacteria’s shoulder, bawling her eyes out.
    And at almost exactly the same moment, Cassi started screaming so loudly that Comet stopped midlick and threw back his head and howled some more. “But what aboutcheerleading? Mom, you know how important this is to me. You know how hard I’ve worked.”
    And the Bacteria kept repeating “Dude” over and over again while kind of awkwardly petting the back of Vega’s head, his other hand inching forward—reaching,
reaching
for the banana bread. GirlCryDudeBreadYum.
    And Mom started shouting at Cassi. And Dad started shouting at nobody. And our living room sounded like this:
    â€œI WON’T GO YOU CAN’T MAKE ME BUT IT’S MY JOB AND YOU’LL LOVE VEGAS YOU’VE GOT THE SAME NAME BUT WHAT ABOUT MITCHELL
HOOOOOOWL
CHEERLEADING AND BRIELLE AND NOW I’LL BE A SOCIAL OUTCAST AND CASSI THEY HAVE CHEERLEADING IN VEGAS AND MITCHELL MITCHELL MITCHELL
HOOOOOOWL
NOW LOOK WE HAVE TO PULL TOGETHER AS A FAMILY WE’RE IN LOVE YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO US CHEER IS MY LIFE I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU
HOOOOOOWL
DUDE THIS BREAD IS SO GOOD OH MY GOSH ARE YOU EATING BREAD OUR LIVES ARE OVER AND YOU’RE EATING BREAD DUDE NO DUDE
HOOOOOWL
I HATE YOU I HATE EVERYONE I HATE LIFE
HOOOOOWL
BUT DUDE BREAD.”
    Then Dad stood up, raised both of his hands, and hollered so loud that Comet ran into the kitchen and disappeared out through his doggy door.
    â€œThat’s enough! We are moving and that is that!”
    â€œBut … Mitchell,” Vega started, big smudgy makeup marks all over her face, which, from the looks of things, fairly disgusted the Bacteria, whose crumb-covered mouth was drawn down in a grimace.
    Dad pointed at her. “No. Not a word.”
    â€œBut this is so unfair,” Cassi cried from across the room, her hands planted on her hips and her whole face puckered into a pout.
    Dad pointed at her. “Zip it.”
    â€œWell, I hope you’re happy,” Cassi said, stomping out of the room. “You’ve ruined my life. It’s over. I might as well just … grow horns and join the circus.”
    â€œI don’t think it’s possible to grow horns on purpose.