Less Than Nothing Read Online Free PDF Page B

that way about. Mel, on the other hand, feels that way about three times a week. Sometimes more.
    “Well, I’m thinking a little more practically than that.” I don’t tell her about the shirtless fantasy. She’s staring at me with the X-ray eyes, and I don’t need to.
    “You totally have the hots for him, don’t you?”
    “Melody, come on,” I say, not very convincing even to my ear.
    “You don’t want him, bring him on over to Mama. I’ll give him some a that Latina somethin’ somethin’. Baby got back!” she says, and now she’s standing too, doing a bump and grind that would shame most pro strippers.
    “Can you hold off for a minute? I have a real problem here.”
    She gives me a disgusted pout and plops back down. “Fine. Make it all about you.” She pauses and gets serious. “What are you going to do?”
    “I don’t know. I mean, he made it sound like a no-lose situation to try it for half a day.”
    “But…?”
    “But I’ve never done it with someone else.”
    Melody rolls her eyes. “Are we back on your nonexistent sex life? What happened to your problem?”
    “You know what I mean. Singing. I’ve never done a duet.”
    She shrugs. “So what’s the big deal? You sing. He sings. You do harmonies or whatever. People either like it or they don’t. What’s the big deal?”
    Crap. She sounds like Derek now. I realize I’ve been working myself up to find the courage to tell him no tomorrow, and I wonder why I’m so averse to giving it a try. In theory, it isn’t a huge leap. It’s just that when he’s right there, in the flesh, theory goes out the window.
    “It’s just…I mean, it’s distracting. He’s distracting.”
    Her eyes narrow to slits. “Girl, you have got it bad for him, don’t you? Get it over with and ride him round the block.”
    “That’s exactly the kind of advice I was hoping for. Bang my brains out with the runaway I just met.”
    She looks distracted. “Maybe I should change my dating pool. I should come by tomorrow and see what this guy looks like. From your reaction, he’s like Walking Dead hot.”
    Melody’s got this thing for Norman Reedus. The age difference doesn’t seem to matter to her. For a moment I struggle for the right words – Derek has some of that same quality, and I don’t want Melody making a complicated situation worse.
    But why is it complicated? I mean, he just wants to make some money, right?
    “So what should I do?” I ask.
    “Get him drunk and show him how we do it in the big city.”
    “Melody…”
    “Or try singing with him for the day and see how it goes.”
    “For the record, Seattle’s a big city too.”
    “Did you ask him where he’s staying?”
    “No.”
    “What’s his story?”
    “I don’t know,” I confess.
    “Wait. So this hot mystery guy just shows up in your life, wants to get it on with you, and you don’t ask like all the important questions?”
    “He doesn’t want to get it on with me,” I say, sounding defensive as I sit back down. “I mean, I don’t think so.” I tell her about the harmonica and me spilling coffee.
    “Oh, he totally has the hots for you. The old harmonica trick. Rowr.” She waggles her tongue, which is pierced, and manages to make it so lascivious I can’t help but crack up. We both explode into giggles, and she pushes herself toward me. “Ahhhlahhhlahhha,” she gurgles, thrusting her tongue around like a frenzied anteater. That makes us both howl even more, and by the time we’ve calmed down I’ve got tears streaming down my cheeks.
    “That’s it. No more sugar for you. You’re cut off,” I say as Melody’s fighting for breath.
    “Ahhhlahhhlahhhhaaaaahhhh!”
    It’s just so frigging funny. I almost pee my pants, and now I’m gasping, too. It feels good to laugh this much, and I realize I haven’t been doing a lot of laughing lately.
    We manage to calm down eventually, and she shrugs. “I say go for it. See what happens. Ride that wild wind, baby. It’s