Laughing at My Nightmare Read Online Free PDF Page B

The underlying idea behind the Crabby Jar is a pretty good indication of the values that my parents stressed. You are in control of your emotions; the choice to be happy is as easy as blowing out your Crabbies.

chapter 9
    spine breaking
    When I began kindergarten, there was no debate about whether I would be in a normal classroom. I have to thank my parents for not being too protective. Sometimes, parents of children with physical disabilities feel like they need to shelter their kids from the horror of being bullied or the difficulty of functioning in a regular classroom environment. My parents had thus far raised me to understand that my wheelchair did not define me. Sure, my arms and legs didn’t work, but my brain, personality, and ability to interact with people were not at all affected. Placing me into normal classes was only natural in their eyes.
    Shortly after beginning kindergarten, my teacher suggested that I be tested for advanced placement. This consisted of doing a few mental puzzles that I didn’t even realize were the actual test until my parents explained to me later that I would be starting a once a week class for gifted students. It still amazes me that they determined I was gifted just because I knew my colors and shapes pretty well. I think I cheated the system. Or maybe they just felt bad that I was in a wheelchair.
    Much of early elementary school is a blur. I made a few friends. I generally enjoyed learning and doing homework. I got excellent report cards, but I hated reading. I can only speak in generalizations about the first few years of elementary school because I just don’t remember many specifics. At that time in my life, I began having significant problem with my spine, which culminated in a massive spinal fusion surgery in second grade. Perhaps the intensity of that situation has overshadowed or destroyed the “boring” memories of going to school.
    Since my muscles had been slowly deteriorating from the time when I was a little kid, my spine started to curve when I was very young. Basically, the muscles in my trunk, including the muscles that surround my spine, were not strong enough to keep my spine straight. Scoliosis (curvature of the spine) is prevalent among people with my disease.
    When it came to scoliosis, my spine was an asshole. Refusing to take its time and gradually curve like most spines affected by scoliosis, my spine wanted to curve as fast as it possibly could. When I went to my yearly checkup at DuPont Hospital in Delaware at the age of six, my doctors were extremely alarmed by how curved my back was becoming. I sat with a ridiculous slouch because I had to compensate for the twisting of my spine in order to hold my head up. When normal people have scoliosis, it’s usually only a few degrees of curvature. Here’s a picture of me before the surgery. It’s tough to see, but notice the Quasimodo protrusion on my back? That’s my spine attempting to free itself from my body.

    Nothing cures scoliosis like a big bowl of ice cream. Mom, Dad, Andrew, and me.
    At that yearly checkup, my doctors calmly explained to my parents that the back brace I had been wearing for a few years was failing about as hard as a back brace can fail. You might notice that the top part of my spine in the picture appears to be intruding on the right lung’s personal space zone. My spine was slamming into my right ribcage with as much force as it could muster. The doctors told us that was why I kept getting pneumonia, and that if we didn’t do the spinal fusion surgery soon, my lung would collapse, and basically, I would not be alive too much longer after that. The weird thing about my doctors is they never said, “You need to do this or you will die,” but even at the age of six, I remember feeling the gravity of their words and understanding I needed the surgery.
    Great! So I had the surgery and everything was peachy and that was the end of it!
    Nope.
    Spinal fusion surgery is the second most