much of a jerk as he is, I never meant to hurt him. And then, maybe he’ll leave and go on the road with his team.
Putting my hand on his arm, I tell him, “I’m sorry this is what our marriage turned into. I never would’ve imagined it could be like this.”
His body trembles, he’s about to burst into rage, and I know right then that there is no calming him down. I leave the kitchen walking away to the bedroom. It has been my quiet place these last few days.
I close the door behind me and just want Latch right now. Drifting across the room, I’m thankful that Darrell didn’t follow me in here. Looking down as I walk, my mind goes back to when Latch was fucking me on the floor, to when he made me come harder than I ever have before. If only I could go back to that place for just a moment. It may have been wrong for us to be together, but the time that we shared was amazing, and for that, I don’t regret any of it at all . He was always such a gentleman to me, so sweet and fun to be around, and so fucking sexy that I about died every time I laid eyes on him. But with Latch it wasn’t only about the sex. He made me feel wanted and sexy. I could finally be myself and not the fake celebrity wife that I have to be when I’m with Darrell. That is something that I’ve never had. It was like when we were together, nothing and no one else mattered, even though in the back of my mind, I knew I wasn’t the only one and I paid him to be here. Latch always made me feel different, so I hold on to what we had because for the first time in years, I felt like I was someone’s priority, when Darrell has never made me that. Latch would text me first thing in the morning and before he went to bed. When I’d go weeks on end without a word from Darrell. Thinking back on the years of my failed marriage, Darrell always cared more about his career than me, and I pathetically accepted that, until there was too much time alone, whether he was on the road or here in New York just staying in a hotel drunk and pushing me away. It became too much and that’s what made me turn to Latch.
In my own defense, I didn’t know Latch was an escort when we first met. It’s not like that’s what I went out and looked for. We really did meet at the grocery store, but he was honest from the get go about who he was, and I fought the temptation for as long as I could. But goddamn Latch, he was persistent and I was lonely and needed the attention, even if I had to pay for it. Finally I gave in and made myself believe it was a way to justify being with Latch. Even though, from day one, there was a spark between the two of us and I wanted so much more than sex from him.
Sitting on the chair in the corner of the room, my eyes stay glued to the floor wondering what he is doing right now. But, my daydream is cut short as Darrell kicks the door open, scaring the shit out of me. Shards of wood go flying as he rushes in, getting in my face, kneeling in front of me. “Tell me why you fucked this all up,” he demands.
My heart slams against the walls of my chest. Looking him in the eye, this is not the man I married. Scanning the room, I look for my cell phone, but don’t see it. “You need to calm down. I never wanted things to end up this way.”
“But they did,” he shouts.
“And I’m really sorry. I didn’t think I would sleep with another man after we married, but I knew you were sleeping with girls on the road, and I couldn’t come to terms with why. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Then when you started to stay in a hotel when you were home it fucking broke my heart. What was I supposed to do?”
“That’s your excuse? Do you not remember the last year and how hard it was on me?” Darrell sustained quite a few injuries, which I know was hard on him. But he shut me out and just turned to drinking. Which I still don’t think is an excuse for neglecting me the way he did and for his acts of infidelity. “Abby, I