Last Man Out Read Online Free PDF Page A

death in your family there was some unspoken rule that said you didn’t get to be alone except when you were sleeping. That way, if friends and family were around, eating and drinking and talking, maybe you wouldn’t think too hard about the person who wasn’t around anymore.
    After dinnertime the remaining guests said their good-byes, and it was just Tommy and his mom and Emily, the three of them alone for what felt like the first time since his dad had died. The food that hadn’t been wrapped up and given to people as they left had been put away. The kitchen had been cleared, and Tommy had carried the extra chairs back down to the basement. More than anything, Tommy felt relief that maybe he had given his last good-bye handshake, been told by the last mourner how strong he needed to be. Or how proud his dad had always been of him.
    His uncle Brendan had been the last to leave. On his way out he’d tapped Tommy’s chest and said, “Everything you need is in there, the way it was for your dad. You might not realize it yet, but you’re as brave as he was.”
    â€œI don’t feel that way.”
    â€œYou’re doing better than you think,” Uncle Brendan said. “I’ve been watching you these past few days.”
    â€œHow do you figure?”
    â€œYou have his courage. You have his strength. Never forget whose son you are.”
    â€œNever,”
Tommy said.
    The house was quiet now. Not like the quiet in the hospital room, but a different kind. There had been other times in the past few days and nights, after the downstairs lights were turned off and it was time for bed, that the house had been silent. But this was more permanent.
    His mom went upstairs to change out of her black dress. Emily was already in her room, her door closed. Tommy stood in the living room, alone, and stared at his father’s fireman helmet on the big table in the corner where there were so many family photographs on display. Now all the pictures in their frames had been organized around that helmet, with the number 41 on the front.
    Tommy stared at it for a long time, taking in the quiet, then turned and walked up the stairs to his own room, yanking off his tie as he did, tossing it on the floor, and closing the door behind him.
    He’d told Emily the truth, they were all together, this
new
version of their family. But even with Emily right next door and his mom down the hall, Tommy felt as alone as he ever had.
    Football practice had been canceled tonight, even though they usually practiced on Wednesdays. But most of the guys on the team had gotten off from school to go to the funeral. Nick, Greck, and their parents had gone to the cemetery to attend the funeral, and then they’d come back to the house, too, along with Coach Fisher and his wife.
    Before Coach had left the house, he’d pulled Tommy aside on the front porch and said, “This is totally your call, and your mom’s. But you can take off this Saturday’s game if you want.”
    â€œNo!”
Tommy said, surprising himself and maybe surprising Coach with the force of that one word, how it came out of him so much louder than he’d intended.
    He dialed himself down a little and said, “I want to play, Coach.”
    â€œOkay.” Coach Fisher put a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “I’d never dream of trying to stop you, I just thought I should give you the option.”
    â€œI want to play now more than I ever have,” Tommy said. “My dad would want me to.”
    â€œI expect that he would.”
    Both of them talking about his dad as if he were on the other side of the front door. Talking about him in the present tense.
    â€œDad always said that you only got so many Saturdays in your life.”
    â€œI know exactly what your dad meant,” Coach said. “It’s why I’m still at it, son. It’s why I’m always telling you and the other boys to