Last Days of the Bus Club Read Online Free PDF Page A

pudding, but for that nice thick blackslimy Mexican texture. Hell of a stew, I thought to myself as I sucked the wooden spoon.
    Russell, our English neighbour from La Herradura, the next farm down the river, had been wheedled into bringing the crew across the river and up to the farm in his Range Rover. It was a rough old Range Rover, but I think he had been up half the night polishing it and mucking out its typical farm car interior.
    In a flurry of dust the car rolled up beneath the house and Rick Stein and the crew disembarked. We all shook hands and said how pleased we were to meet one another, and without further ado David swung into action.
    ‘Russell, take Rick back down the hill and drive up again. Rick, you get out of the car and come up to the steps where you shake hands with Chris and Ana. Got it? Off you go.’
    Russell and Rick backed down the drive while David pushed us into position.
    ‘Right. When Rick comes up, you go down the steps and act like this is the first time you’ve ever met. OK?’
    The sun shone; Russell drove up again; Rick got out; the dogs barked; Ana and I sashayed down the steps; we all oozed inane enthusiasm and bonhomie; Rick said again that he was really pleased to meet us and handed us an enormous string of garlic in a purple fishnet bag; Ana and I reached out together to grab it …
    ‘CUT! Hold it there. Only one of you wants to go for the garlic. You look like you’ve never seen a string of garlic in your lives. We’ll do it again. Russell, back down the hill. Ana, Chris, back up the steps.’
    Rick clambered back into the car clutching the garlic and Russell backed off down the hill again. Ana and I and Bumble and Bao bounced back up the steps. Once again,Russell drove up; the dogs barked; the door opened and out rolled the string of garlic. ‘CUT! One more time, please. Hang on to that garlic will you, Rick.’
    I muttered to Ana that I thought the string of garlic was a bit of a crap present. After all, we grew our own garlic; we had heaps of it. ‘Yes, but he doesn’t know us, does he? And don’t be ungracious; it’s very nice of him.’
    ‘QUIET! Back down the hill, Russell, Rick. Ana, Chris, back up the steps … Go!’
    We went back up the steps, followed by the dogs, who were starting to get confused. Rick got in the car again; Russell rolled backwards.
    ‘Let’s see if we can’t get it right this time,’ said David.
    Up came Russell in the car; Rick got out, clutching the garlic; the dogs looked on in silence; Rick said yet again that he was really pleased to meet us; we all looked at one another for a bit. ‘The garlic, Rick. Hand over the garlic,’ admonished David. ‘Hallo, Rick,’ I said. ‘I’ve heard a lot about you.’ I held out my hand to shake, but Rick was still proffering the garlic. I shook the garlic … ‘CUT!’
    Down the hill went Russell and Rick. Ana and I went back up the steps with the dogs, me holding the garlic. ‘Chris, give the garlic back to Rick, will you?’
    Followed by the dogs, I walked down the track to where Russell and Rick were waiting for the signal, and handed over the garlic. Rick grinned at me wanly.
    ‘One more time. Everybody ready? Roll.’
    Finally we got it nearly right. It went something like this: Russell and Rick arrived; the dogs barked; Ana and I walked down the steps; Rick got out of the car with the garlic, and said goodbye to Russell; Rick said for the fifth or sixth time how pleased he was to meet us and handed the garlic to Ana,who received it graciously; we all shook hands and I said, ‘Rick Steen, good to meet you; I’ve heard a lot about you.’
    ‘It’s Stein, Chris. Rick Stein, not Rick Steen,’ said David. ‘We’ll do it one last time.’
    And so we did and this time we got it, as I think one says in the film world, in the can.
    As you may imagine, we were all feeling a little tired after completing this scene, and we had hardly started the session yet. There was considerable scope for