Last Continent

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Book: Last Continent Read Online Free PDF
Author: Terry Pratchett
this?’
    â€˜Well, I assume we can look inside,’ said Ponder. ‘A book is meant to be opened. There’s even a black leather bookmark, see?’
    â€˜Oh, that’s a bookmark , is it?’ said the Chair of Indefinite Studies, who had been watching it nervously.
    Ponder touched the book. It was warm. And it opened easily enough.
    Every page was covered with ‘ook’.
    â€˜Good dialogue, but the plot is a little dull.’
    â€˜Dean! I’d be obliged if you’d take this seriously, please!’ said Ridcully. He tapped his foot once or twice. ‘Anyone got any more ideas?’
    The wizards stared at one another and shrugged.
    â€˜I suppose . . .’ said the Lecturer in Recent Runes.
    â€˜Yes, Runes . . . Arnold, isn’t it?’
    â€˜No, Archchancellor . . .’
    â€˜Well, out with it anyway.’
    â€˜I suppose . . . I know this sounds ridiculous, but . . .’
    â€˜Go on, man. We’re almost all agog.’
    â€˜I suppose there’s always . . . Rincewind.’
    Ridcully stared at him for a moment. ‘Skinny fella? Scruffy beard? Bloody useless wizard? Got that box on legs thingy?’
    â€˜That’s right, Archchancellor. Well done. Er . . . he was the Deputy Librarian for a while, as I expect you remember.’
    â€˜Not really, but do go on,’ he said.
    â€˜In fact he was here when the Librarian . . . became the Librarian. And I remember once, whenwe were watching the Librarian stamping four books all at the same time, he said, “Amazing, really, when you think he was born in Ankh-Morpork.” I’m sure if anyone knows the name of the Librarian it’s Rincewind.’
    â€˜Well, go and fetch him, then! I suppose you do know where he is, do you?’
    â€˜Technically, yes, Archchancellor,’ said Ponder quickly. ‘But we’re not sure quite where the place where he is is , if you follow me.’
    Ridcully gave him another stare.
    â€˜You see, we think he’s on EcksEcksEcksEcks, Archchancellor,’ said Ponder.
    â€˜EcksEcks—’
    â€˜â€”EcksEcks, Archchancellor.’
    â€˜I thought no one knew where that place was,’ said Ridcully.
    â€˜ Exactly , Archchancellor,’ said Ponder. Sometimes you had to turn facts in several directions until you found the right way to fit them into Ridcully’s head. 8
    â€˜What’s he doing there?’
    â€˜We don’t really know, Archchancellor. If you remember, we believe he ended up there after that Agatean business . . .’
    â€˜What did he want to go there for?’
    â€˜I don’t think he exactly wanted to,’ said Ponder. ‘Er . . . we sent him. It was a trivial error in bi-locational thaumaturgy that anyone could make.’
    â€˜But you made it, as I recall,’ said Ridcully, whose memory could spring nasty surprises like that.
    â€˜I am a member of the team, sir,’ said Ponder, pointedly.
    â€˜Well, if he doesn’t want to be there, and we need him here, let’s bring him b—’
    The rest of the sentence was drowned out not by a noise but by a sort of bloom of quietness, which rolled over the wizards and was so oppressive and soft that they couldn’t even hear their own heartbeats. Old Tom, the University’s magical and tongueless bell, tolled out 2 a.m. by striking the silences.
    â€˜Er—’ said Ponder. ‘It’s not as simple as that.’
    Ridcully blinked. ‘Why not?’ he said. ‘Bring him back by magic. We sent him there, we can bring him back.’
    â€˜Er . . . it’d take months to set it up properly, if you want him back right here,’ said Ponder. ‘If we get it wrong he’ll end up arriving in a circle fifty feet wide.’
    â€˜That’s not a problem, is it? If we keep out of it he can land anywhere.’
    â€˜I don’t think you quite understand, sir. The signal to noise ratio of any thaumic
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