Larkin's Letters Read Online Free PDF Page B

me so well, Ryan. You brushed my conversation aside. You didn’t want to talk about fishing. Of course, you didn’t. I could tell you were still angry. I could feel the coldness coming from your beautiful brown eyes, unlike the usual warmth I feel when you look at me.
    I am so sorry, Ryan. I was going to tell you. I was just trying to find the right time. Please don’t be mad at me. I really needed my best friend last night, and you were there. You saw me cry. You knew how sorry I was. I felt you put your arm around my waist, and I gently let my head fall onto your shoulder. You said to me, “Lark, I’m not mad. How can I be mad?” And you wiped a tear away from my cheek.
    As I began to cry harder, you picked me up and carried me back inside to the recliner. You sat down and held me in your lap as I buried my head into your chest. You didn’t say a word. You just let me cry for as long as I needed as we rocked back and forth in the recliner. I’ll never forget the next thing you whispered to me. You promised me you will be here for me whenever I need you, and that you are never going to leave me alone....
     
    The memory of that night diverted his attention away from the letter. That night was one of the worst moments of Ryan’s life. He remembered it as clear as day. How could he not? He placed the letter down on his lap. He remembered. He remembered holding her as they sat on the recliner, and he had started to doze off when he had felt Larkin stir. He was still holding her while she had fallen asleep, but she had gotten cold and was shivering, so he carried her to her bed so she could get warm. God, the memory was so vivid. It was as if he could still feel her shivering in his arms. He had noticed she fell asleep again as he carried her to her bedroom. He gently laid her down on her bed and took her sandals and her sweatshirt off. As he tucked her in, he knelt down beside her and kissed her forehead. He stared at her for a long time while stroking her hair. She had looked so peaceful. He couldn’t believe what was happening. It was unimaginable. He hadn’t wanted to wake her, so he quietly made his way to her bedroom door. As he began to slowly close the door, he had heard her call for him.
    “Ryan?”
    He pushed the door open. “Yeah?”
    “Will you stay with me? Please?”
    He didn’t even need to think twice about it. “Of course I will.” He slipped his shoes off and climbed in next to her. She rolled over to face him, and he wrapped her up in his arms. She felt so small, smaller than he had remembered. He had felt her heart pounding, and he had hoped the day would never come when he could no longer feel her heartbeat.
    Ryan continued to finish the letter.
     
    I woke up in your arms this morning. You held me all night. You are so good to me. I have to admit I feel relieved that you now know. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and having you in my life, in my corner, I feel like I can do anything.
    We had a bad day today, Ryan. It started out pretty great actually. You got out of the shower, and you brought me coffee as I sat out on the balcony. It was a cloudy morning and not as oppressive as yesterday. I could feel your eyes studying me during the pauses in our many different conversations. I knew you knew I had been crying while you were in the shower. I never try to cry in front of you, but I can feel myself weakening and weakening by the minute. I am definitely not as strong as I used to be. You reached over the small round table that sat between our patio chairs and grabbed my hand, and you said nothing. Ryan, you always say it best when you say nothing at all. Just the way you held my hand was enough to let me know you were ready to listen whenever I was ready to talk.
    I am so angry, Ryan. You left. You just got up and left. I know I pushed you away. It’s my fault, I know, but if you only knew how much I need you. You pressed and pressed me to talk to you about what I was thinking. You